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Her husband refuses to have sex with her because he does not love her

Question

Assalamoalaikum....I got married last year in the month of February. Between nikaah and rukhsati there was a gap of two months as we used to live in different countries. In this gap, we both developed feelings for each other and loved each other and were in contact via phone calls and video calls. Even we got intimate during this time though not physically present with each other. Everything was fine between us. The problem started after rukhsati. my husband told me on honey moon that he is not able to relate to me. This was a shock to me but I accepted it by thinking that since ours is an arrange marriage, it will take time to adjust. My husband never consummated the marriage with me and I was the one who used to initiate but he never reciprocated. he used to hug n kiss me but not anything beyond that.He is potent enough. He says that he doesn't love me n want to free me so that someone else give me happiness which he is not able to give. He wants me to take khula or otherwise he will divorce me. I am now helpless and feels like I have been cheated as he used to have feelings for me on calls and what happened to him after rukhsati I am not able to understand. I still love him. We stayed together for six months n now he has send me to my parents house. Please guide me what should I do.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and messenger.

First of all, we ask Allaah to relieve you from your grief and distress, and reconcile between you and your husband. We recommend you to supplicate to Allaah as the hearts are in the Hands of Allaah and He turns them the way He wishes. If you think that your husband is most likely afflicted by magic and so on, then you should perform Ruqyah; for more information, please refer to Fatwa 92025.

It should be known that love is not a requirement for the establishment of marital life, as love may exist after it not having existed.

If a husband does not love his wife, it is not permissible that lack of love between spouses causes the husband to prevent his wife from her right in sexual intercourse as this involves injustice to her. So, you should advise him in a gentle and soft manner in this regard. In addition to this, you should beautify yourself for him and do whatever makes his heart attached to you.

In any case, if he insists on divorce, then you should submit all affairs to Allaah, as He may bring good in divorce and bless you with a better husband. Allaah says (what means): {But if they separate [by divorce], Allaah will enrich each [of them] from His abundance. And ever is Allaah Encompassing and Wise.} [Quran 4:130]

On the other hand, if the wife is upright – is not Naashiz (recalcitrant) – and she does not want to be separated from her husband, then he is not permitted to force her to give him compensation in return for divorcing her [such as with Khul']. Allaah says (what means): {O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allaah makes therein much good.} [Quran 4:19]

For more information on the rulings of Khul’ in Islam, please refer to Fatwa 89039 and 165253.

Allaah Knows best.

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