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The Meaning of the Hadith, ‘When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with...’

Question

Assalamu alaikum. What is meant by the hadith that if a man whoss righteousness please you asks your daughter for marriage marry your daughters to him. So i think it is forbidden for wali to send him back. But can the girl reject him if he doesnt look good or if he doesnt have a good job. Can the guardian send him back if he has no means to support a family.Barak Allah feekum wa jazakum Allah khair

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

Abu Hurayrah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, said: “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, marry her off to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and abounding discord (Fasad).” [At-Tirmiti and Ibn Maajah]

It should be noted, though, that the command in this Hadeeth is not indicative of obligation. Al-Minaawi  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him commented on the Hadeeth saying, “The Hadeeth reads 'marry her off to him;' another version reads, 'accept his marriage proposal.' The command is indicating that such an act is strongly recommended ...” [Faydh Al-Qadeer]

There is no problem if a woman or her Wali (legal guardian) refuses the marriage proposal of this suitor and seek another suitor with whose religiosity and character they are pleased and who is endowed with other good qualities that people most likely aspire to and because of which it is hoped to foster good companionship and mutual compassion between the spouses.

It should be noted that if a suitor is poor, yet he is endowed with a noble character and determination to work and earn a living, he should be helped and his marriage should be made easy; Allah, The Exalted, may bless such a marriage. ʻAa'ishah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  her narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, said: “From the blessings related to a woman are the facilitating of her proposal, the facilitating of her dower and the facilitating of her womb.” [Ahmad]

Moreover, marriage is a means to richness. Allah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.} [Quran 24:32]

Ibn Al-ʻArabi  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him commented on the verse saying, "It is deduced from the Hadeeth that a poor man can get married; he should not ask, 'How could I possibly get married when I have no wealth?' Verily, Allah, The Exalted, bestows the provisions on him and his dependents. It has been narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, married off the woman, who had offered herself in marriage to him, to his Companion, who did not have anything but an outer garment …

Moreover, Abu Hurayrah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, said: “There are three who are promised the help of Allah: The Mukatab (the slave who has made a contract of manumission) who wants to buy his freedom, the one who gets married seeking to keep himself chaste, and the Mujahid who fights in the cause of Allah.” [Ibn Maajah]

We see many men who got married while being poor and then were blessed with wealth. It could be the other way around as well; a wealthy man may get married and then lose his wealth and become poor.

Allah knows best.

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