Balancing Socialization and Strangeness

02/04/2009| IslamWeb

John Holt, one of the early advocates of home schooling, once remarked, "If I could give just one reason why children should not go to public schools, it would be the socialization they receive there. In general, the kind of behavior one finds most often in schools is petty, cruel, and mean-spirited." In spite of knowing or having experienced first hand what goes on in most schools, many home-schooling parents still worry that their children will miss out on ‘real-life experiences’, by not participating in the socialization that occurs in a regular school environment.

It is true that home-schooled children don’t get much of a chance to interact with other children their age in a classroom setting, and may be shy or less sociable around strangers when compared to school-going children. However, that does not mean that they will grow up as social misfits, perpetually ill at ease around other people for the rest of their lives. Considering that most Muslim families choose to home-school for religious reasons, because they want to prevent their children from learning customs that are considered forbidden in Islam, and to protect their children from acquiring un-Islamic habits and manners, the absence of socialization provided by a regular school is not necessarily a bad thing.

 

In a narration, the Prophet said: “Islam began as something strange, and it shall return to being something strange, so give glad tidings to the strangers."Ibn Al-Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah, may Allah have mercy on him, writes: “Muslims are strangers among mankind and the true believers are strangers among Muslims. In reality, however, their strangeness is only because they are the minority and it is not because their actions and beliefs are strange. This is what Allah The Exalted says (what means) “And if you obey most of the people on Earth, they will lead you astray." [Quran 7: 116].

 

The strangeness of the People of Allah The Exalted and the people of His Messenger is a praiseworthy strangeness. Therefore, this kind of strangeness should be sought and its people must be supported. This strangeness occurs in different times, in different places, and among different peoples. This strangeness does not cause its bearer any discontent. Rather it is a comforting strangeness, a solace to the believers. This is because he knows that his helpers are Allah the Exalted, His Messenger and those who believe, even if all of mankind left and abandoned him.”

 

If, by home-schooling, the parents’ intention is to save their children’s faith from corruption, then they shouldn’t let minor pitfalls like lack of socialization get in their way. In the second part of this article we will take a look at how the Muslim community can serve as a much better socialization tool than school. First, we must compare the nature of socialization received in school with the experiences of home-schooled children.

 

Reality versus perception

 

Contrary to the popular belief that home-schooled children live in an isolated ‘bubble’ away from the ‘real world’, a closer look at public school training shows that it is actually the public school environment which is artificial and does not afford exposure to any beneficial social interaction. Instead, it exposes children at an early age to bullying, unhealthy competition, crime, immorality, unsavory peer pressure and in the case of Muslim students attending regular school, often places them at the receiving end of unwarranted prejudice.

 

In public schools, children are confined to a classroom with a group of children their own age, who are all competing for attention from the teachers. They have very little opportunity to indulge in any meaningful interaction amongst themselves during class. What little interaction occurs is usually teacher-directed and teacher-centered, with the child merely obeying instructions or acting as a prop to the teacher’s lesson plan. There is very little emphasis paid to individual responsibility and initiative, and students’ talents and interests are for the most part stifled or ignored. 

 

Interaction with children of other ages is largely restricted to harassment in the schoolyard or fooling around in lunch queues. Discipline in public schools is notoriously lax, and actions by students rarely have consequences. As a result, the students have very little practical preparation for operating in the hierarchical realities of the ‘real’ world -- in the family or the workplace.

 

 Home-schooled children do not have these problems because they relate regularly with adults, children their own ages and younger children on an everyday basis, in normal circumstances. Their behavioral skills and attitudes are the result of hands on experiences and early apprenticeship training, which comes from observing and emulating their parents.

 

Research backs up the claim that home-schooled children are not socially deprived. In a study conducted in the US, Dr. Wesley Taylor of Andrews University found that home-schooled children scored significantly higher than their conventionally-schooled peers on a measure of self-concept, which is generally considered to reflect socialization. Dr. Taylor concluded that the socialization issue "favors home-schoolers over the conventionally-schooled population."

 

In another study, Dr. Delahooke from the California School of Professional Psychology, compared two groups of children: a home school group and a matched private school group. Dr. Delahooke determined that "the private school subjects appeared to be more influenced by or concerned with peers than the home-educated group."

 

The results of these studies suggest that home schooling improves a child's self-concept and helps children develop the ability to withstand peer pressure. Both of these outcomes are indications of positive socialization experiences.