Children’s Delinquency is the Price of the Absence of Motherhood

02/04/2009| IslamWeb

There is a type of mother who forsakes her children and leaves them to face the surrounding harmful influences. In this way, she unintentionally ruins her children and reaps the bitter fruits of this.

Recently, a newspaper published a story of a 16-year-old boy who deals in the weapons (pistols) that he makes. He has been caught several times but manages to escape from any juvenile detention center to which he is confined. He would use these weapons to frighten passers by and rob them at gunpoint.

 

Certainly, this would frighten anyone because the victims are children on whom we set great hopes. We would have expected that they would be an asset to the security of society, but they turned out to be the very opposite. All of us wonder who is responsible. How should we face this danger? How can we preserve this wealth of our nation before it is squandered, vaporizing all our hopes of a bright tomorrow and of securing a flourishing future? 

 

We receive such news from all over the world, and are afraid of being infected, but today this news comes from among ourselves. This means that the danger is near, yet we still have a chance to rescue ourselves if we are united in sincere and deliberate effort. Will parents return to play their natural and important role in raising their children? Will television executives consider this when preparing their programs by removing violent scenes that are known to have a significant and direct influence on juvenile delinquency? Will society show mercy towards children and help them attain safety? Is it not right that children are nothing but the outcome of their society with its conflicts, crises, greed and violations that give them the impression that one can only live and achieve what he wants through the use of power?

 

In this article, we will focus on family problems that contribute to this issue:

 

A child speaks his mother’s language. The family represents the beginning of the child’s life as he interacts with his parents before anybody else. The mother is the one who bears, breastfeeds, loves, stays up with, talks tenderly to and lulls her child. A newborn learns many lessons with his mother’s milk. He also learns his first rules of upbringing as some researchers believe that about 85% of children’s behavior is traced back to their parents’ behavior with them, especially, the mother-child relationship. This is so because the mother is the most critical factor and has a remarkable influence on the emergence of certain behaviors.

 

Hebert Montagese, a French scientist who is interested in children’s behavior, says, “I have noticed that children who have a leading and assertive personality often belong to families with mutual understanding and love. The mother in such families always speaks kindly to her child and never acts aggressively with him when he makes a mistake. On the contrary, she knows how to direct him firmly and avoids pampering her child.” He also advises every mother saying, “Your child speaks the language that he learns from you, so what language will you teach him?”

 

Consequently, one really wonders who taught the Prophet, , these rules fourteen centuries ago, when he encouraged every Muslim who wants to establish a family to choose a righteous wife. He said: “Choose the religious wife - otherwise, you will be a loser.”[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

 

This is part of the natural disposition upon which Allah The Almighty has created all humans and the revelation which taught Muslims that righteousness is a necessary condition in the two pillars of a family (the parents). Religion increases parents’ responsibilities towards their children. It also increases a family’s attachment to and love for their children and keenness on raising them righteously, so as to be beneficial for both their family and society. In such a case, parents feel that their children are a trust and if they lost it, they would be exposed to Divine reckoning. Only a righteous woman knows her duties towards her household. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. However, those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them.} [Quran 4:34]

 

However, if a young man overlooks the virtue of religiousness in his wife and pursues other qualities, he should blame no one but himself when he finds that his wife takes more care of her clothing, adornment, and food than her children. He should also blame himself if he finds that his wife is keener on her work and relationships outside the home than her children, or if she occupies herself with all this and forgets the mission for which she was created.

 

We often see women adhere to their right to work, leaving their houses in search of careers and in order to compete with men. Consequently, they leave an alternative mother for their children and persuade themselves that they are in honest hands so as not to disturb themselves or let anything prevent them from leaving their homes. Such women have mastered the art of adorning themselves and wasting a lot of money and time for that purpose. They pride themselves on being ‘successful’ mothers and working women. Many women believe such deception, since they consider their work the utmost and greatest aim and right that they should never waive or abandon.

 

Once, two parents argued fiercely, and the man asked his wife to leave her work temporarily for the sake of the children because they were passing through a critical stage and needed her urgently. However, the wife refused and the husband insisted on his position, just as she did, until she asked him to choose between working or divorcing her. At that point, the poor father yielded so as not to destroy the entire family, and the children had to be satisfied with half or even a quarter of a mother because this was better than nothing. The family headed towards a destination and only Allah The Almighty knows its end. Eventually, the children grew up while their parents were inattentive and busy.

 

Delinquency is a dear price to pay. A study was conducted in the US on juvenile delinquency, and educationalists, members of Congress, and governmental officials participated. The study indicated that one of the causes of juvenile delinquency is that parents work for a long time. It also indicated that there is a great number of families with a single breadwinner, who also happens to be the only parent, and this means that less time is spent with the children. The study covered adolescents between the ages of 8 and 14. Twenty- five percent of them said they drink alcohol. Also, more than 18% of them smoke cigarettes and 13% smoke hashish (weed). The study also proved that one out of every four persons participated in a type of harmful act before reaching the age of seventeen. Families where both the man and woman work were destroyed because they lost the emotional and sentimental ties that attach children, sow love in their hearts and make them grow up as balanced people.

 

We certainly believe that Allah The Almighty will call everyone to account with respect to the subjects whom He had entrusted to him. We also fear the grave punishment for not taking care of our children. The Prophet, , said: “It is enough sin for a person to neglect one's own dependents.”[Ahmad and Al-Haakim] We always remember the precept of our Lord, who Says (what means): {O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.}[Quran 66:6] This responsibility is only appreciated by Muslim parents, for they are the eyes that observe, the hearts that empathize, the minds that guide and the examples that are to be followed by young children.

 

A father in such a family is the guardian of the entire family; he is the one who guides his wife and then his children. An example set by a father is more important than the example set by a teacher or the Imaam of a mosque. Muslims should build themselves without waiting for others to do this for them, and men must guide their wives and children.

 

No matter how strong and deep the external influences are, a righteous family works strenuously to strengthen itself so as to remain strong in the face of fierce hardship. Nothing detracts such a family from this sublime task. If a child is raised in a family that respects good traditions, reveres religion, and casts the shadow of love, mercy, forgiveness, amicability, charity and goodness and provides him with the proper environment that develops uprightness and responsibility in him, makes him love his people and homeland and makes him accustomed to being strong in protecting and defending the rights, he can never be equal to another child whose parents make him suffer isolation and render him easy prey to strange influences that a family would not love or want. Gradually, deviated behaviors and tendencies grow, driving the children to disobey their parents and being a source of danger that threatens the entire society. In such a case, parents would despair and feel remorse over what has happened after what they built - or thought they had built - collapses. In fact, they have only built mere appearances and colorful coverings that delight whoever sees them while hiding the cruelty and roughness of this family that was unmerciful towards its children when they were young. They also cover the failure of this family that has deprived its children from the least of their rights such as mercy, sympathy, guidance and protection against the storms that could uproot them. These children have simply lived without roots.

 

Will Parents be Merciful Towards Their Children?

 

The challenges that face us are dangerous and will not be defied except by a deeply rooted generation which is strongly connected to its creed, appreciates its mission in life and realizes its aims. Undoubtedly, this can never be achieved by a generation that lacks principles or does not know its creed, or a generation that was raised in the absence of families that forsook it and left it to face the hardships of life. The outcome would be diversion from the right destination, and children will look around to find themselves like orphans or even worse. That is because orphans are known to be orphans and, thus, society takes care of them, while people in general and the parents of those children in particular are ignorant of their conditions.

 

Allah The Almighty Says in warning (what means): {O you who have believed, obey Allah and His Messenger and do not turn from him while you hear [his order]. * And do not be like those who say, "We have heard," while they do not hear.} [Quran 8:20, 21] 

 

May Allah The Almighty protect our children and guide them to what is right and good.