Stopping the cycle of disobedience

02/04/2009| IslamWeb

First, parents need to make their intention for the sake of Allah and remind themselves that they are disciplining their children to help them do their Islamic duty towards their parents and their family. Teaching a child to listen is not just about establishing parental authority or showing the child who's boss, it is basically about helping them do the right thing.

Paying attention

Long before a child starts actively disobeying parents, the child shows signs of bad behavior like carelessness and aggression. Parents shouldn't let these signs go unacknowledged. At the very least, parents must make it known to the child that this bad behavior has consequences. It could be something small like taking away a child's privileges, cutting down on pocket money or foregoing a family outing, the idea is to let the child know that the parent is taking all bad behavior into account and all actions have consequences.

 

Giving personal time

Evenif parents have jobs and businesses to attend to, they must take sometimeoff each day to connect with their children exclusively, without being distracted. Talking to children about their day, telling them about yours, showing an interest in their hobbies and friends shows the child that parents care about them and are interested in them. Parents should establish a routine where they do something fun together with children regularly. It could be a family outing or a game or even just eating a meal together. These are times when children feel like they are the focus of their parents' sole attention and concern.

 

Establishing parental authority

Children need parents who are in control. This doesn't mean that parents should be controlling or overbearing, but they must clearly show the leadership and guidance that is expected of them as the head of the household. As it is rightly said, "Parenting isn't a popularity contest." Too many parents nowadays want to be friends with their children and never want to say no to anything the child demands, for fear of losing the child's goodwill. This only leaves the child feeling confused and makes them more prone to misusing their power over the parents.

 

Keeping up with the times

Children sometimes complain of a generation gap and say they have nothing in common with their parents, describing them as "clueless." Children easily get into trouble because of a parent's inability to supervise their child's interaction with others. Some parents of teenagers have no idea what their children are up to on their computers or each time they leave the house. Keeping up with a child's activities means getting involved with their activities and their lives and getting introduced to their friends.

 

Learn parenting from righteous people of the past

These days we have some new parenting technique or breakthrough method publicized everyday. But in the past, there were no such resources available yet generations of good Muslims were turned out. The only difference between those times and ours is that we look for guidance in people, but they used to look for the guidance of Allah and follow the example of His Messenger by following his Sunnah – the most complete guidance and the best example.