Divorcees Before the Wedding

02/04/2009| IslamWeb

In recent times, cases of divorce before the consummation of the wedding have increased among youth for many reasons. Among them are the demanding of excessive dowries, furnishing the marital home, the housing crisis, the absence of religion in people's lives and the excessive intermixing between the couples, which causes coldness of emotions and drives the young man to think of marrying another woman. In this report, we will discuss this phenomenon. Dr. Ahmad Al-Majdoob, a professor of sociology, says, “Marriage in our current age is based on incorrect foundations. The family of the girl does not make inquiries about the groom and does not ask about his origin, family or even about his morals and religion. Concentration on money has become the basis. The more the suitor meets the material demands of the bride's family, like having a house that is furnished with all kinds of luxuries, a fashionable car, and an excessive dowry, the more acceptance and approval he receives.”

Dr. Al-Majdoob adds: Being far from religion is the most important cause of the increase in divorce rates before the actual wedding day. The Prophet, , laid the basic principles of marriage and made religion and good morals the basis for forming the Muslim family; he said:"If someone comes to you seeking marriage [to your daughter] and you approve of his religion and morals, marry him [to her]; if you do not do that, there will be Fitnah [tribulations] on earth and great corruption."

 

In the past, Egyptian society, like other Islamic societies, had familial solidarity and marriage was a familial project, not an individual one. Hence, marriage was stable, and we never heard about widespread cases of divorce because families would choose religious men with good morals. Also, the mother would bring up her girl in accordance with the teachings of Islam and would inform her of her rights and her duties towards her future husband. Undoubtedly, being far from religion is the reason behind all the disasters from which we are now suffering. To guarantee marital happiness, we should return to religion. I advise young men and women to fear Allah The Almighty and choose their life partners in accordance with Islamic rules and principles. I also advise them to abide by the orders of Allah The Almighty and His noble Messenger, , so as to guarantee a stable marital life that is based on affection and mercy.

 

Avoid Getting Swayed by Appearances

 

Dr. Aaminah Nusayr, dean of the Faculty of Arabic and Islamic Studies for Girls in Alexandria, sees that appearance and vanity have become the main criteria of contemporary families, even though these families know that the youth are suffering financially. She also adds that the spread of early divorce before the wedding is due to financial incapability or the unavailability of housing and furniture to the standards of the bride and her family’s demands. This is a human desire that deserves no blame as long as it does not go beyond what is reasonable. She says to these families,

 

Be simple at the outset, do not insist on having a spacious flat or excessively expensive furniture. We have to return to the simplicity of Islam; when a person, of whose religion and reputation we approve, proposes, the family has to assimilate the wise lesson of simplifying demands and avoiding excessiveness whether in appearance, the wedding preparations or in furnishing the house. What is more important than all these things is protecting our girls and young men and restoring tranquility and stability to families by virtue of satisfaction and contentment and avoiding excessiveness, so as not to shake the foundations of the entire society. We are in dire need to reapply the real Islamic culture with regards to the simplicity of our homes. We have to leave our youth to form themselves and achieve progress step by step. This requires, as I said, a restoration of the real Islamic culture, as well as awareness and responsibility. This also requires us to spread awareness throughout the society that excessive pretentiousness in putting together the houses of our children is an incurable disease, which we must shun before time passes and our children and their stable future are lost. Therefore, make things easy and avoid difficult demands in order to build a happy future for your children.

 

The Housing Crisis

 

Dr. Muhammad Ra'fat ‘Uthmaan, professor of Comparative Islamic Jurisprudence in the Faculty of Sharee‘ah and Law and member of the Islamic Research Academy in Al-Azhar, says that the severe housing crisis which the city society suffers from is one of the most important causes behind divorce before the consummation of the marriage. He also says: To obtain the marital house, most young men need many years. During this period, boredom sets in between the couple, which leads to contemplating breaking the marriage. Moreover, excessive intermixing between the man and the woman leads to coldness of emotions, especially on the man’s part, and this may drive him to think of separating from his wife and marrying someone else. Solving this problem lies in shortening the period of engagement, which entails that the state facilitates accommodation that is suitable for the income of the youth by encouraging investment in middle level housing for people with low incomes. The bride's family should not exaggerate in their demands with regard to furnishing the marital house. The woman’s guardian has to realize that the interest of the woman is achieved when the husband begins his marital life while he is financially at ease, not when burdened with debts.

 

Rights of the Divorcee

 

Concerning the rights of the divorcee, Dr. ‘Uthmaan says: She deserves only half of the dowry. If the husband has already paid the dowry in full, he has the right to take back half of what he paid. If the wife did not receive any dowry at all, she has the right to demand half the dowry that they agreed upon. It should be noted that the dowry includes the prompt and the deferred dowry, for Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And if you divorce them before you have touched them and you have already specified for them an obligation, then [give] half of what you specified - unless they forego the right or the one in whose hand is the marriage contract foregoes it. And to forego it is nearer to righteousness...}[Quran 2:237] In this case, divorce is called minor irrevocable divorce, which means that it is not a revocable divorce in which the husband can take the wife back during her ‘Iddah (waiting period). Divorce before consummation of marriage does not entail a woman to observe ‘Iddah. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {O You who have believed, when you marry believing women and then divorce them before you have touched them, then there is not for you any waiting period to count concerning them. So provide for them and give them a gracious release.} [Quran 33:49]