Revealing Secrets, the Primary Adversary in Marital Life

06/05/2013| IslamWeb

Marital bliss is the dream of every engaged girl and the goal of every wife. It is a dream and goal which is worthy of us exerting our utmost effort to attain. To reap the fruits of these efforts, we should be aware of the mistakes and enemies which threaten them. The wise person is the one who learns from the experience of others. There are many homes that do not enjoy this marital happiness, even though the spouses have done their best to achieve it. This has happened because they made mistakes which rendered their efforts futile. To protect your happiness, beware of these mistakes and avoid the adversaries.

One of the gravest blunders is 'revealing secrets'. Family secrets are a trust which should be preserved. Being negligent in preserving this trust makes one lose her husband’s trust. Therefore, beware of making the secrets of your home the topic of your chat or a heart-to-heart talk as you might imagine. Do not think that your friend will keep your secret which you could not keep yourself.

 

First and foremost, keeping the secrets of your home in general, and especially your intimate relations with your husband, is required under Sharee‘ah and is part of your worship of Allah The Almighty. In a Hadeeth on the authority of Asmaa’ bint Yazeed,  may Allah be pleased with her, she said that she was once sitting with the Prophet, , while men and women were present and the Prophet, , said:“Perhaps a man says what he does with his wife [to others] and perhaps a woman says what she does with her husband.”The people remained silent.Asmaa’, may Allah be pleased with her, then said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah, men and women do so.” He said:“Do not do this. [To do so] is as if a male devil meets a female devil in the street and has sexual intercourse with her while people are watching them.”

 

Its Harm is Greater than its Benefit

Psychologists stress the fact that the wife’s heart-to-heart talk with her (female) friends and disclosing her home secrets mostly result in worry more than comfort. It is true that she may feel temporarily and immediately comfortable, but worry will dominate her when these secrets are spread and she reaps regret and loss. No man is ever pleased with having his marital life’s secrets disclosed. Umaamah bint Al-Haarith warned her daughter against this (before her wedding night) in her well-known advice when she said, “…If you reveal his secret, you will not be safe from his betrayal…”

 

Secrets are of Different Kinds and Degrees

The secrets of the home are not of the same degree of importance. There are secrets about the private relations between the spouses, which they should keep only to themselves. We previously mentioned the warning of the Prophet, , against revealing such secrets.

There are secrets that are relevant to the differences between the spouses. Revealing such secrets should be according to their gravity. The wise wife is the one who keeps these secrets and only reveals those which would help in solving the problem. However, she should not reveal them to her friends or relatives; rather, she should reveal them to those whom she believes to be wise and able to achieve the divine advice as conveyed in the verse where Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah Is ever Knowing and Acquainted [with all things].}[Quran 4:35] However, the wife should not hasten to do so as soon as a problem occurs or when any tiny problem surfaces. There are many problems which do not need any interference from anyone; rather, they need some wisdom and patience on the wife’s part.

 

A mother says, “My daughter was married ten years ago, and she never complained to me or to the father of her husband. She only told me about a problem once it had been solved. Her only request, when she faces a problem, is to ask me to supplicate to Allah The Almighty for her, and I therefore know that she is facing a problem when she asks me insistently to supplicate to Allah The Almighty for her.”

 

There are secrets that are relevant to the private affairs of the house. Such secrets should also not be revealed so that the family does not become an open book before other people. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Allah presents an example of those who disbelieved: the wife of Nooh [Noah] and the wife of Loote [Lot]. They were under two of Our righteous servants but betrayed them.}[Quran 66:10] Some of the scholars of Tafseer (Quranic exegesis) commented on this verse saying that betrayal here means that the wife of Nooh, may Allah exalt his mention, used to reveal his secrets. If anyone believed in Nooh, may Allah exalt his mention, she would reveal it to the tyrant disbelievers. When Loote, may Allah exalt his mention, received any guests, his wife would tell the depraved people of the tribe who practiced evil deeds (sodomy) in order to go to these guests and practice their immoral acts with them.