Negligence of Adornment After Marriage and Its Effects

31/03/2013| IslamWeb

At the beginning of marital life, the wife cares about adorning herself for her husband. However, as time passes, she might think that there is no formality between them so she ignores this. Painfully, her negligence of adornment is limited to her husband, as the wife does care about it when she visits her female friends or relatives.

The wife is not required to spend most of her day in front of the mirror to adorn herself for her husband. Adornment basically lies in observing cleanliness with simple touches that every woman knows. That the wife adorns herself for her husband is one of the rights he has upon her, and it is also binding upon her. In a Hadeeth, the Prophet, , said: "Let me inform you about the best thing a man hoards: it is a righteous woman who pleases him when he looks at her, maintains her chastity and guards his interests when he is away from her, and obeys him when he gives her a command."

 

In the past, Umaamah bint Al-Haarith gave some well-known advice to her daughter before her wedding, saying, "Be careful of what your husband smells and sees. He should not see anything ugly on you or smell anything except a fine fragrance from you. Kohl is the best makeup available and water is the most pleasant of the rare perfumes." Adorning oneself for her husband does not mean exhausting him financially through buying a lot of new means of beautification.

 

Love of adornment is innate

 

Though love of adornment is part of the woman's innate disposition, and Allah The Almighty confirms this in the Quran, Saying (what means): {So is one brought up in ornaments and unable to give a clear account in a dispute[attributed to Allah]?}[Quran 43:18] a woman's care about adornment is often affected by her age. In the stage after the marriage contract, the girl cares about being the best and most beautiful in the eyes of her groom, but the importance of this care decreases after the (consummation of) marriage and bearing many responsibilities.

 

Three years after his marriage, a youth says, "This is not the beautiful girl whom I married." The wife replies by listing the daily work that she has to do and explains that she finds herself extremely tired and exhausted by the end of the day and has no time for adorning herself.

 

However, another woman points the finger at the wife and considers her negligent of her own right as well as of the right of her husband. The current cosmetics that are available make the woman take only half an hour to look her best. Moreover, love of adornment is innate in the woman and should not be abandoned because of her being busy.

 

The role of the husband

 

The husband can play an important role in his wife's care for or negligence of adornment. He may ignore her adornment or criticize it, so he frustrates her. Perhaps he neglects his adornment while she cares about hers. Such a husband forgets the guidance of the Prophet, , when he said: "Of the things of this world, women and perfume have been made dear to me, and my comfort lies in performing prayer."[An-Nasaa'i] It is narrated on the authority of ‘Aa'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, that she said, “While in my menses, I used to comb the hair and massage [the head] of the Prophet .” It is narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet said: “A person who has hair should take care of it.”

 

The responsibility of the wife's negligence of adornment cannot fully rest on the husband, for wives often justify their negligence of their adornment on being busy. Thus, Noorah Sulaymaan, a social professional, calls for training girls before marriage in bearing various responsibilities, so that every girl will be responsible for taking care of children, a husband, a house and her adornment without prejudice to any of these. She adds, “Regretfully, we do not raise our children to make good use of time and divide it between different responsibilities. Hence, the wife often fails to distribute her time between her house, husband and children.”

 

Too old to adorn

 

Some women neglect adorning themselves after marriage under the pretext of a misconception about the function of beautification. Some girls think that only the periods of their engagement and the first days and years of marriage are the time for adornment, and when informed that adornment is part of their being a good wife, they reply that they are too old to do that.

 

These women forget that nothing should prevent the wife from adorning herself for her husband except what the Sharee‘ah approved, such as the mourning for the death of a close relative. Umm Sulaym, may Allah be pleased with her, adorned herself for her husband on a distressful day. It is narrated on the authority of Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, that he said,

 

A son of Abu Talhah from Umm Sulaym, may Allah be pleased with them, died, and Umm Sulaym said to her family, ‘Do not inform Abu Talhah of the death of his son until I do it myself.’ Abu Talhah arrived home and she brought him his meal and he ate dinner and drank. Then, she got up, applied perfume to her body, and adorned herself, making herself more beautiful than she had ever been before. He then had intercourse with her. When she was sure that he was satisfied and had enjoyed the intercourse with her, she said, ‘O Abu Talhah, do you think that if some people lent something to others, then asked for it back, that they [i.e., the indebted] have the right not to give it back?’ He replied, ‘No.’ She said, ‘Seek the reward of Allah The Almighty regarding your son [i.e. he has died].’ Thereupon, Abu Talhah went to the Messenger of Allah and related to him the story. The Messenger of Allah said: ‘May Allah bless what happened last night (i.e. the resulting child).’