Make-up of a successful wife – III

02/04/2009| IslamWeb

She can be grateful:

Each of us likes to be told that we are doing a good job. This is also important in a marriage. We should always tell or show our husbands that we sincerely appreciate all of their efforts. Allah has charged them with providing for their wives and families. This job is not easy. Everyday they meet challenges and problems and they keep trying to improve and contribute for the sake of their families. Because most of us don't see their struggles all day, every day, we should regularly take time to show them that we appreciate that they work hard to overcome obstacles in order to support us.

She is beautiful:

When we marry, we come to our husbands as a precious gift. Our beauty will draw them closer to us and keep him from entertaining thoughts of other women. We must understand the significance of our physical appearance on the only Halaal intimate relationship we can experience. We must do all that we can to maintain our physical appearance as if it were a precious gift. We should consider that our husband may be looking forward to seeing us when he returns from work. We should not neglect our hair, and clothing so that our appearance is displeasing. We should take time on occasion to present ourselves in a special way to refresh his attraction to us.

Ibn `Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "Shall I show you a woman of Paradise? I said: `Yes.' He said: `This black lady came to the Prophet and said: `I get attacks of epilepsy and my body becomes uncovered; please invoke Allah for me.' The Prophet said to her: “If you wish, you can be patient and enter Paradise; and if you wish, I will invoke Allah to cure you: She said: `I will be patient,' and added, `but my body becomes uncovered so please invoke Allah for me that I may not become uncovered.' So he invoked Allah for her."' [Al-Bukhari]

In addition, we should show great respect for how modest, dignified and self respecting the female companions were. They used to go to great lengths to ensure that their bodies never became exposed in the presence of strangers and that their feminine charms were never put on display. Dear sisters, if we are to be pious wives then we must be as concerned about concealing our beauty as our pious female predecessors. Modesty is a part of Eemaan (faith) - it isn't just the clothes we wear, rather it must be a part of our natural disposition to go out of our way to conceal ourselves in public. We must really and truly desire to reserve our beauty for our husbands, we must train ourselves to be as shy, dignified, self-respecting and modest as the female companions of Muhammad .

She is a good mother

Ibn 'Umar, may Allah be pleased with them, related that the Prophet said: "Every one of you is a protector and guardian of his immediate charge and is responsible for the action of those persons who are committed to his charge. A ruler is also a steward (and is accountable for those who are put under his charge) a man is steward in respect of his family members of his house, a woman is a steward in respect of her husband's house and his children. In short, every one of you is a steward and is accountable for those who are placed under his care." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

While a wife is subordinate to her husband, she must maintain a leadership role as a mother. It is through her daily example that their children will embrace Islam and follow it by choice. The mother's responsibilities are unending. She must educate her children on everything including praying, language, table manners, and appropriate social behavior just to name a few. She should coordinate activities within the household, always emulating an Islamic lifestyle and perspective. Her children will be able to read and learn about Islam from many other sources, but if they do not see their mother practicing the same, they will not have the same strength of their religion as they would if she were.

Islam allows a woman to work outside of her home under certain conditions. Her primary role and responsibility is as a wife and mother-the role she was created to fill, the position for which she is best suited and therefore, most likely to excel. It must be the primary concern of every married Muslim woman to ensure that the rights of her husband and family are fulfilled before pursuing other aspirations. It is the husband's right to be well taken care of by his wife, and the children's right that their mother provides a pious example for them and a foundation of Islamic education. She must never allow other activities to become more important than these primary responsibilities. Islam certainly needs female doctors, nurses, educators, etc. But, what Islam needs most of all, is pious wives and mothers- women

Because we live in a predominantly non-Muslim society, the average workplace is full of potentially undesirable situations, and therefore a woman is discouraged from working if she is married, has children, and her husband's income sufficiently provides the necessities of life. If the family's financial situation does not dictate that she must work, it would be better for her, her husband, and her children, if she did not work outside the home.

A job no less than Jihaad:

Allah Almighty Says what means: {Invite [mankind] to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord Knows best who has gone astray from His Path and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided. And if you punish [your enemy], then punish them with the like of that with which you were afflicted! But if you endure patiently, verily, it is better for the patient. And endure you patiently, your patience is not but from Allah. And grieve not over them and be not distressed because of what they plot. Truly, Allah is with those who fear Him, keep their duty unto Him, and those who are doers of good for Allah's sake alone.} [Quran 16:125-128]

It is not easy to fulfill Allah's requirements consistently. This life is filled with obstacles, injustice and temptations. We have the tools we need to succeed, we must fill our hearts with determination and live to please Allah above anything else. Remember, everything that we experience was intended by Allah. {Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas with Allah is a great reward.} [Quran 64:15] He has promised us that he will not cause us to endure any hardship that is beyond our means.

The Prophet said: "On the Day of Judgment, Allah, the most High, will ask: ‘Where are those persons who love each other for the sake of My pleasure? This Day I am going to shelter them in the shade provided by Me. Today there is no shade except My shade.'" [Muslim]

Tools for problem-solving

Enlist help:

We all see that we could have done things differently if we had only known then what we know now. We can enlist the help of happily married Muslim couples who have withstood the test of time. It seems that they have discovered how to best deal with adverse conditions. Many times they are willing to give friendly advice on problem-solving techniques.

Overlook faults:

Allah Almighty Says what means: {And be quick for forgiveness from your Lord, and for Paradise as wide as are the heavens and the Earth, prepared for the pious. Those who spend [in Allah's cause] in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allah loves doers of good for His sake alone.} [Quran 3:133-134]

Imagine a perfect world where no-one hurts any-one's feelings, people stay within bounds and there is no traffic. Guess what, it's not in this life. The best part about being able to overlook others faults is that they will be more likely to overlook yours. People always remember the person who insisted to the end that they were right. We should always be willing to forgive as each of us has strengths and weaknesses and thereby make mistakes.

Patience:

Allah Almighty Says what means: {And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute (with one another) lest you lose courage and your strength depart, and be patient. Surely Allah is with those who are patient.} [Quran 8:46]

One rule of parenting is that as soon as a child's annoying habit has lasted so long you think you will die to live with it another day, it disappears. Also, one of the most common things we would choose to change about past behaviors is to be more patient. We can clearly see that a given problem would have worked itself out.

Many times people need something inside their control to happen in order realize that they are in error. When we exhibit patience, we allow people to come to their own conclusions over time, enabling them to recognize it sooner in the future. Also, we avoid the risk of making a situation worse. Allah controls everything and we should offer advice.

Make-up of a successful wife – I 
Make-up of a successful wife – II