When a Monitor and Mouse Steal Your Child Away…

03/10/2011| IslamWeb

It was a happy family.

The mother was content, the father reassured, and the child used to play with his parents, sometimes with building blocks, and at other times with the ball. The family had frequent outings… to the club, to visit his paternal or maternal cousins, the funfair, the beach, and so on. Both parents gave special care to provide suitable entertainment for the child, since recreation rejuvenates and refreshes one's life. This was also practiced by the Messenger of Allah, , and his honorable Companions, may Allah be pleased with them. The Messenger of Allah, , used to race ‘Aa'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, play with Al-Hasan and Al-Husayn, may Allah be pleased with them, who were still very young, and address them saying: "How excellent your camel is, and what an excellent load you are!"

Suddenly, this happy home was intruded upon by a dreadful device: the computer. The young child heard about it and saw it in the house of one of his friends. He pleaded with his parents until they agreed, gladly, and out of their love for the child, to buy the new device.  At first, the parents thought it was just like any other device, as the child would use it for an hour or two then continue his normal life, sit with his parents, play with his friends, and do assignments for his school. However, the reality was far beyond the expectations of the naive parents.

They soon discover that the child’s life revolves  around the  computer: it is the first thing he uses when he wakes up, and the last thing he uses before he sleeps. The computer becomes the source of his sorrows and joy. In brief, this device, the computer, is his main concern and attracts all his attention. His relationship with his parents weakens: he no longer greets them as he used to do. On the contrary, this device causes him to be undutiful to them. The computer makes him decide who are his "enemies" – if anyone wants to take away his computer, the child would surely raise the weapon of anger, displeasure, annoyance and obstinacy.

The device takes most of the child's time: he no longer goes to his cousins as he used to do unless they have a computer, because of which disputes and quarrels might break out between him and them. His relationship with his friends has weakened, and he no longer distinguishes his enemies from his friends. He is confused about all basic standards and concepts about life, thinking to himself, "The computer is my only friend."

Dear caregiver,

Our religion of Islam is the religion of temperance and moderation, in which there is no extremism or deviation from the Prophetic guidance of Muhammad, . Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And thus We have made you a just community.} [Quran 2:143]

Dear caregiver, by no means can we deny the importance of this device, and its necessity for the modern Muslim who likes to keep pace with the world around him. This is praiseworthy if it stems from the desire to appear as a strong Muslim, in order to complete the ideal image in which every Muslim person should appear -- I mean the image indicated by the daughter of the righteous Prophet, Shu‘ayb, may Allah exalt his mention, in her saying as the Quran tells us (that means): {"O my father, hire him. Indeed, the best one you can hire is the strong and the trustworthy."} [Quran 28:26]

The ability to use the computer is one of the modern criteria of strength and skill, but the misuse of this device destroys the social structure of the family, and consequently the community. It is not a pick-axe used in construction in so much as a mattock used in destruction.

This is confirmed by almost all psychiatrists and parents.

A study conducted in Cologne University says that excessive use of computer games might affect social relations in real life, and force one to leave jobs and duties unattended -- like school assignments as far as the children are concerned.

According to many psychiatrists, the time a child spends at the computer reduces the time he spends with his friends in playing sports, which may lead to overweight and obesity in the long term. He should spend that time reading, doing any activity with his parents, or playing in a sports club.

Furthermore, spending a lot of time with the computer may result in social problems in a child like shyness or introversion. If your child sits at the computer throughout the day and does not go out as often as he should, he will not be able to learn how to take part in social activities, take turns at a game, or even learn the simplest social etiquette.

According to Eemaan Ash-Shawbaki, psychologist and counselor, in the Jordanian Ministry of Health, "The children's prolonged use of the computer dissociates them from their families and communities, and turns them into children more inclined to seclusion and non-participation in playing with others and talking to them."

She added, "One of the consequential psychological risks is the fear of getting to a point at which it becomes too difficult to achieve understanding between the family and the child, because of the cessation of conversation for long hours, especially when the child is approaching the age of adolescence, which requires regular contact and dialogue to get acquainted with the child's feelings, inclinations and attitude, and to evaluate his behavior."

On the other hand, spending too much time playing computer games inevitably leads to addiction. Dear caregiver, imagine that this addiction resembles alcoholism.

A study by a research group specialized in addiction in Berlin revealed that addiction to computer games is no less dangerous than alcoholism. According to the study, an addict is the one who has at least three of the six standards of measuring addiction determined by the World Health Organization. Those six standards are:

1-       Incapability of curbing a desire for something

2-       Loss of control over the time of using or playing

3-       Overdosing

4-       Symptoms of sense of deprivation

5-       Negligence of other concerns and obligations

6-       Not giving up the behavior of addicts regardless of their harmful consequences.

The study found an amazing similarity between the behavior of alcoholics and computer game addicts. A comparison between both parties revealed  that the addict's brain acts in the same way,  whether the addiction is caused by dependence on external substances or internal devotion to a particular activity.

Dear caregiver, your child needs to deal with others, whether they are children like him, adults or even household pets, in order to have life experiences instead of being with the computer all the time.

Having learnt the medical opinion about that problem, you may wonder: What is the solution? How should we rescue our dear children from being secluded from their Muslim community, or from being distanced from society?

How to solve the problem

1-       Parents have to fix a certain number of hours for their children to use the computer.

2-       The child may use the computer more often due to a social problem, in which case, it becomes incumbent upon the educator to trace its roots in order to solve it.

3-       It is not enough to determine a number of hours: but it is necessary not to give the child the opportunity to use the computer for long periods of time as far as possible, by prompting him to go to the club to play sports and so on.

4-       It is necessary to increase the activities the child has so that his personality would become multi-faceted rather than restricted to the computer.

These activities should vary as follows:

-            complete school assignments

-            go to the Masjid regularly to memorize the Quran;

-            go to the club to play some sport;

-            visit relatives and friends;

-            set out on outings and picnics with his family

5-       It is necessary for the child to know that even if the function of computer is no more than idle play, it surely steals time from his life.

6-       Traditional games give the child a sociable character,  because most of these games are played by more than one child, which habituates the child to get involved in direct competition with his fellows, unlike electronic games which habituate the child to solitude and introversion. Thus, we have to urge our children to play and take part in outdoor games.