You made him lie!

18/02/2015| IslamWeb

I asked him, “Why are you distressed? What is wrong? Has anything bad happened?”

He said, “I am so distressed because of my son, Ahmad.”

I asked, “Why?”

He said to me, “He lies. My son lies! I have done my best to advise him and warn him against lying; however, every time he proves to me that I failed.”

I said to him, “Take it easy on yourself, brother! Don't blame yourself for his failure. Tell me the whole story.”

He said, “Actually, I ask him about a lot of things and he seems to be telling the truth. However, I find out later, from my wife, that he was lying.”

I asked him, “Could you clarify more?”

He said, “For example, when I ask him whether he has prayed, performed ablution or studied, he answers me in the affirmative. Then, my wife tells me that he lied. I am so annoyed at this trait which I never want my son to have. I have used all the means to treat him: beating, confrontation, shouting and stopping his pocket money, but my attempts are in vain.”

 

I said to him, “Friend, it seems that lying is not a rooted trait or characteristic in your child. Do not worry!”

 

Astonished, he replied, “So, why does he lie?”

 

I said, “It seems that he lies because he is afraid of you when you ask him such questions: 'Have you prayed? Have you studied? Have you performed ablution? Have you taken what was in the drawer? Did you beat your young brother?’ You ask him these questions in a frightening way which makes him feel threatened. Dear brother, you dig the pit for him, push him with your hands and then do not want him to fall!”

 

He said to me, “You are right. He does not lie in other cases. Yes! He does not lie unless I ask him angrily. However, how can I teach him to abandon this trait or how should I change my approach?”

 

I said to him, “It is possible to convey your message in other ways. For example, if you sit with your wife and know that he does not pray, say to your wife ‘Oh, I forgot to offer the post-‘Ishaa’ Sunnah prayer.’ Then, you and your wife should stand and pray in front of the child. Spontaneously, he would directly join you in prayer without a word from you.

 

 

If you know that he does not perform ablution, say to your wife in front of him without directing any word to him, ‘I read a Hadeeth (narration) stating that whoever performs ablution and prays two Rak‘ahs (units), his sins will be forgiven.’ Then, you stand and ask him to perform ablution. You may say to him kindly without chiding him for negligence, ‘My son, it seems that you forgot to pray. Get up and pray because I like to hear your nice voice while you pray.’

 

You can follow this approach in other matters. You should not confront him with a frightening question because in this way you drive him to lie while he does not want to because his sound Fitrah (sound innate disposition) urges him not to lie.”

 

In a concerned voice, he said to me, “I am afraid that he may lie again because of my frequent use of severity with him.”

 

I said to him, “No, dear friend. Once you follow the calm approach with him, he will abandon this sin by the permission of Allah The Almighty.”