Controlling the child's desire for possessions

01/11/2010| IslamWeb

Allah The Almighty beautified for human beings the different good things which He made lawful for them. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.}[Quran 3:14]

This shows that the love of worldly desires and pleasures is beautified and instilled in the souls, and there is no way to take it away from them. The environment and methods of upbringing play a large role in boosting, developing, weakening, and alleviating the intensity of this sense of possessiveness. If this innate inclination in the human soul is not refined or controlled with well-defined limits, it will herald imminent danger and deviation. A person may wish to possess everything, and to achieve this end, he will devour everything legal and illegal without deliberation or hesitation. The Prophet, , highlighted this meaning and warned against following this uncontrollable psychological desire blindly. He said: "Had the son of Adam owned two valleys of gold, he would have longed for a third. Nothing fills the inside of the son of Adam except earth." The Hadeeth (narration) affirms that it is not possible to attempt to satisfy this desire, and it will continue to increase and develop in the soul till man is buried in his grave and earth fills his mouth.

Refinement of this innate instinct requires successful upbringing of the family which is based on good role models and excellent practical and theoretical guidance. A young child cannot distinguish between what belongs to him and what belongs to others at his early age, particularly below the age of six. You may see him asking for anything he desires, taking other children’s toys, demanding his brother's clothes and claiming them to be his own. He may find a coin on the ground, take it and say it is his. A child without education and guidance cannot control his unrestrained sense of possessiveness. To help the child control his possessiveness, we should focus on the following aspects:

-      The parents have to inculcate the principle of defining property in their child by defining his belongings first. By doing so, the child will know his own things and those of others so that he would respect them and not violate them. Let the child memorize the Prophet's Hadeeth, which reads: "A man should not take his brother's items seriously or jestingly, and whoever takes his brother's stick must return it to him." [Ahmad, Abu Daawood, and At-Tirmithi] The parents should grant the child a free hand to dispose of his personal belongings, which are better located in his room or his own cupboard. When any of his siblings comes to forcefully take some of his belongings, and the father prevents the aggressor, this behavior and reaction should teach the child the limits of his personal items. It implies that nobody is entitled to take anything from him without his permission.

-      Therefore, if he himself attempts to transgress the property of any of his siblings and is prevented, this would be a practical lesson that teaches him the limits of his belongings and those of others and that he has no right to the belongings of others. To help inculcate this principle, children’s toys should not be commonly shared in a way that none of them knows what his right is and what is not. Every child should know his own toy, and all of them may play with it together, yet each maintains the ownership of his toys.

-      It is necessary to satisfy the child's desire to have money by giving him daily or weekly pocket money. However, the child is instructed how to best spend his money, allowing him to buy some toys, sweets, or something that he loves. This teaches him numerous positive values in terms of feeling his private ownership and the ability to dispose of it within the proper limits. This should help him to develop the talents of economizing, saving, generosity, and sharing with others. It also prevents the child from coveting the possessions of others.

-      The child may be given the opportunity to save and collect money, but we should show him the difference between praiseworthy saving and blameworthy niggardliness. Then, we should allow him to utilize part of what he collected in buying new items to satisfy his sense of possessiveness.  

-      Explaining the real meaning of richness and highlighting it to the child frequently. The Prophet, explained this meaning in the Hadeeth (narration):  "Richness is not the abundance of wealth, rather it is self-sufficiency." [Muslim] A man who blindly follows his acquisitiveness without thinking or hesitation will never feel rich or sufficient regardless of how much money he collects. He will continue to pursue more and more without end. So, he is in fact poor despite the abundance of what he owns. On the other hand, a man who is content with what Allah The Almighty apportions for him while he is working and utilizing the available means of sustenance without exaggeration or greed, his heart will be full of contentment and assuredness.

-      Finally, I would like to remind parents that inculcating the correct image of acquisitiveness, like any good value, depends on setting a right role model until the child's mind grasps it and his soul comprehends it. Hence, he will adopt this value and keep it up throughout his life.