'Brought up by a woman'

12/01/2012| IslamWeb

In some cultures, when people want to criticize someone for being ineffectual or accuse him of having low morals, they say that he was brought up by a woman!

This abominable saying stands refuted by the many prominent scholars of Islam who were brought up by their mothers and became guiding and guided beacons for the Ummah (nation). Imaam Ahmad, may Allah have mercy on him, the Imaam (leader) of Ahlus-Sunnah Wal-Jamaa'ah, is on the top of the list of examples, for his mother nurtured him with great care and patience until he became an Imaam for the whole world. For this, she will receive a reward equal to him, by the will of Allah The Almighty.

Al-Haafith Ibn Hajar, may Allah have mercy on him, was also brought up by his sister, Sittur-Rakb bint ‘Ali ibn Muhammad ibn Muhammad ibn Hajar. Taking about her, Ibn Hajar, may Allah have mercy on him, said, "She was born on Rajab, 770 AH, on the road to Hajj. She was a good reader and writer and a wonderful example in intelligence. She was my mother after my mother." There were many examples of such women in the past.

Was not the example of Al-Khansaa’, may Allah be pleased with her, a timeless witness to the truthfulness, strength, and high morale of upbringing provided by women?  Before her, there was the example of Asmaa’ bint Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with them, and her maternal bond with her son.

Nevertheless, it could be said that this was in the past when there were hardly any temptations and worldly distractions.  However, even in this contemporary time, there are truthful women who seriously assume the responsibility of raising their children. Such women live among us and we live with them, although they may not be well-known.

There is an example of a woman whom I personally knew.  She was the wife of one of my relatives. Her husband died and left six children. After the end of the 'Iddah (waiting period), she was proposed to, but she wept. When she was asked about the reason why she was weeping, she said, "I fear to entrust the task of raising my children to others who might ruin them." She declined to remarry after her husband’s death.

Instead, she dedicated her life to her children and exerted her best effort to bring them up, educate them and make them memorize the Quran. Indeed, some of them memorized the whole Quran. Today, the eldest of her sons has attained the degree of doctorate and the youngest studies in the faculty of medicine. The others are variously employed as a teacher, employee and physician, and they are from the best people in the country where they live.  This is the result of the efforts of a truthful woman who did not run after fashion and every passing novelty, but instead dedicated herself to raising her children.

A scholar once told me about a woman in their district who had three orphan-like sons. Their father had abandoned them and she girded herself to take over the responsibility of raising them. Now, having grown up, they perform the voluntary night prayer regularly, one of them usually comes to the Masjid before the Athaan (call for prayer), even one of them sometimes makes the Athaan for the Fajr (Dawn) prayer when the Mu’aththin (caller for prayer) is absent. She enrolled them in Quran schools.  The Shaykh says that he observes in them seriousness, high morale and true brotherhood.

These women as caretakers are a good example of truthfulness, earnestness, and strength of morale.

Given that, why do some people say about an ineffectual person, that he was brought up by a woman?  The reason is that there are some contemporary mothers, whose first concern is pursuing the latest trends, panting after the ever-changing mirage of fashion, and seeking satisfaction of their own self, desires and inclinations at the expense of their children. They dedicate a day for the mall, another for the park, a third for an amusement center and a fourth for walking or socializing. Sadly, the time allocated for the children is sandwiched somewhere between the woman's social obligations and personal interests.

It is neither shameful nor defective that a man is brought up by a woman, for many great men were brought by their mothers and they were beneficial for numerous nations, not only one. Rather, the defect lies in some women who have superficial concerns.

The same can be said about some men. One of my relatives has been an ineffectual father, unsuccessful in raising his own children well. As a result, his children are most worthy to be described as weak. I am not saying this to gloat over another's misfortune; rather, this is just intended to be an example. Fairness entails mentioning advantages as well as disadvantages of both men and women.