Ramadan: The Month of Maintaining Kinship Ties - IV
19/07/2011| IslamWeb
Among the best ethics that should be followed in dealing with relatives is tolerating their reproaches and interpreting them in the best possible way. This is the moral standard of the virtuous and the customary behavior of noble people, who strive to perfect their chivalry, morals and honor. They are the ones who deal with others in a spirit of tolerance, politeness and open mindedness.
If one of their relatives blames them severely for neglecting his right, they do not blame him back, or return his reproachful words in kind; rather, they are nice to him and interpret his reproach in a good way. They view the person who reproaches them as someone who loves them and make him realize they understand this; they thank him and continue to apologize till he calms down. Some people respect and love others, but they cannot express these feelings except through frequently blaming and reproaching others. Noble people deal with such people kindly, as if telling them, ‘Even if your way of expressing your feelings is not very good, your intention is certainly good.’
Moderation is recommended while joking with relatives, in order to avoid fights, useless disputes and arguments with them. Relatives meet repeatedly in various gatherings and the wise person is the one who goes along with them and avoids anything that may arouse tensions in the cordial relationship. If a person feels that one of his relatives bears a grudge against him or is angry with him because of a certain situation, he should hasten to offer him a gift, as gifts foster love, negate bad blood and cleanse the hearts from envy and diseases.
A Muslim must remember that relatives are part of him, he cannot change them or escape from them. Their honor is his, as is their humiliation. The winner in a fight with his relatives is a loser, and the one who emerges victorious in quarrels is ultimately defeated.
It is recommended to remember to invite one's relatives on special occasions and banquets. A useful method to overcome forgetfulness is recording the names of all one's relatives and their phone numbers then saving them to remember and communicate with all of them, whether directly, by phone or any other way. If he forgets any of them, he should visit him, apologize and try to soften his heart as much as possible.
It is also recommended for relatives to amend relations among the family, if tensions occur between some of them. They should have regular gatherings whether annually or monthly or the like. One of the family members may prepare, publish and distribute a special guide that contains all the phone numbers of the family, which would help in maintaining the bond of kinship and remind one of his relatives if he wishes to greet or invite them.
It is also a good idea for a family to have a fund where they collect donations and contributions of all the relatives to be supervised by some of them, so that if any member of the family needs money for marriage or an emergency, they can conduct a case study and grant him what he deserves. This generates love between relatives.
It is recommended to distribute an inheritance immediately so that everyone takes his share in order to avoid frequent demands and quarrels and for the relationship between them to be clear and free from any tensions.
If some relatives are partners in a business venture or project, they should strive to maintain complete harmony and agreement upon all issues in a spirit of love, consultation, mercy, honesty and favoring others over oneself. Each one of them should like for the others what he likes for himself and must know his rights and duties. It is also recommended that they discuss all the problems clearly and frankly to avoid equivocation and evasion. They should be keen on sincerity and tolerance at work and it is better that they write what they agree upon. If they take these precautions, Shaytaan (Satan) will lose hope in them, love will prevail among them, and mercy and blessings will descend upon them.
Finally, one should maintain the bonds of kinship with a sincere intention of drawing closer to Allah The Almighty. Maintaining ties of kinship should be intended for cooperation in righteousness and piety, not for the chauvinism and clannishness of the Jahiliyyah (the pre-Islamic period of ignorance).
