Hidden Dangers in Raising Children-I
07/05/2012| IslamWeb
We all know that many of us have been brought up in an environment of ignorance --this is an undeniable fact that is particularly true of the present generation. Most of us were raised by parents who viewed religion and religiosity as a superfluous or unnecessary matter, and felt that we should avoid the apparent aspects of religiosity as much as possible. The young men of this generation were raised on these principles through the school curricula and the ideas, hopes, dreams and perceptions of the society they lived in. Man is the product of the society in which he lives, exactly like a tree which, if planted in infertile soil, would grow weak, unstable and vulnerable to blights; if it was planted in fertile soil, its roots would go deep in the earth, its branches would be high in the sky and it would produce its fruits all the time with the permission of its Lord.
The one who assumes the responsibility of upbringing is like a farmer, who plucks out the thorns and clears the weeds from among the plants so that they can grow properly. Therefore, it is a great asset when a Muslim finds someone proficient in education or discipline, who would purify him from the defects acquired from his environment and society or which result from his mixing with people. A disciplinarian would immediately rectify the defects a person absorbs from his environment and his peers, which worsen the whispers and inclinations of the evil-enjoining soul. Moreover, a disciplinarian would implant the desire to do righteous deeds in place of defects and fill the soul, which inclines to egoism and desires, with goodness and concerns of the Hereafter that purify, refine and elevate his soul. If a Muslim succeeds in finding this sort of righteous disciplinarian, he would enjoy happiness in this life and in the Hereafter.
If he fails to find an honest, strong and wise disciplinarian who would continuously advise him, confusion would permanently encircle him and destroy his identity. Accordingly, he would become a bad example of moral conflict between his inner and outer self. Man's innate disposition attracts, invites and urges him to righteousness; whereas, his persistently evil-enjoining soul, supported by his whims and bad morals that he may have acquired through a corrupt environment and upbringing, drives him to falsehood. So, man possesses both goodness and righteousness, but his apparent state is that often corruption dominates his behavior, resulting in loss and confusion due to his evil desires. He remains in this state until Allah The Almighty facilitates a way of guidance for him where he finds others lending him a helping hand.
He would be fortunate if he met a knowledgeable man from the People of the Sunnah (Ahl As-Sunnah) who comprehends the soul, knows its diseases and cures them. Such a disciplinarian would help him get rid of the defects and remnants of ignorance that are attached to him. Consequently, his soul will return pure and his heart will be clean, and he will move on the way of true happiness with an open and assured heart.
A Muslim brought up well since his childhood:
The Muslim who has been raised and grows up with goodness and who has absorbed it, without being touched by ignorance, would not stand in need of what we mentioned. Thus, Allah The Almighty admonishes us regarding negligence in raising our children and holds the parents responsible for reforming or corrupting their children. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.} [Quran 66:6]
In reference to this verse, Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, commented, "Discipline and teach them." Muqaatil 
said, "The Muslim should discipline himself and his family, commanding them to do goodness and forbidding them from doing evil." A man and his family cannot be protected from the Fire except by abandoning misdeeds, doing righteous deeds and fearing Allah The Almighty regarding his family, by punishing them for matters for which he punishes himself.
The Prophet 
pointed out the hidden pitfalls involved in bringing up children and recognized that a proper upbringing is an effective tool in formulating the personality of children. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet said: "Every human being is born with a sound innate inclination to the truth, but it is his parents who make him a Jew, a Christian or a Magian. As an animal produces a perfect young animal: do you see any part of its body mutilated?" Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, recited: {[Adhere to] the Fitrah [innate disposition] of Allah upon which He has created [all] people. No change should there be in the Creation of Allah.} [Quran 30:30]
Raising children is one of the greatest duties of Muslims. Regretfully, Muslims today are not very concerned about it. A Muslim father erroneously understands that his role and responsibility are only limited to providing financial support and earning a living. These days, very few Muslims care about giving their children a correct religious upbringing and patiently persevere with it. These are the duties and rights that every father will be questioned about on the Day of Resurrection.
How is it that you leave your children in confusion to be misguided by deviants, then are perplexed when they have been misguided? The Prophet said: "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian and responsible for his subjects; the man is a guardian of his family and responsible for his subjects; the woman is a guardian in her husband's house and responsible for her subjects; a servant is a guardian of his master's property and responsible for his subjects. So, all of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Ibn Al-Qayyim affirmed this responsibility, saying,
A Muslim who neglects to teach his child what benefits him and leaves him in vain, has done a grave evil. Most children have become corrupt because of the negligence of their parents and their failure to teach them the obligations and voluntary acts of Islam. The parents neglected their children during their childhood, so the children could not benefit themselves or benefit their parents when they grow older. One day, a father blamed his son for being undutiful to him, but the son replied, ‘My father, you were undutiful to me when I was young, so I was undutiful to after you grew old; you neglected me when I was young, so I neglected you after you grew old."
These are obligatory rights, not just recommended ones. The Prophet said: "Allah will ask every caretaker about everything that was entrusted to him, whether he preserved it or wasted it, and He will ask the man about his family." [Ibn Hibbaan] [Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
Shaykh Muhammad Al-Khidhr Husayn said, “O guardian, if you abdicate the responsibility of your child, I fear that you would receive a double punishment. You would be punished for mutilating this precious jewel in an excruciating manner, and you would have an allocated share of the general offence.”
The Prophet forewarned us about giving advice as much as we can to those whom Allah The Almighty has put under our authority. The Prophet said, "A slave whom Allah has given authority over some people and he does not give them advice, will never smell the fragrance of Paradise." [Al-Bukhari]