Responsibility of all children to spend on a sick mother
14-2-2008 | IslamWeb
Question:
My parents live in pakistan,4 years ago my mother got stroke and became disable to speak and move herself.My elder brother live with them and he is married.me and my 2 sisters all we are married ,i live in ireland,my younger sister live in another city of pakistan and my youngest sister live in the same city in pakistan so she spend as much time with my mother as she can according to the permission of her husband.My youngest brother was in uk and beared all the expenses of my mother treatment up to last year,but now he is studying in ireland and my father is bearing all the expenses of my mother he is too old and limited resourse.The query is that who is responsible for lookafter my Mother,people says that daughters should lookafter the mother because mother is female,and elder daughter is rich so she should spend money on parents while my husband is not willing to spend any money because he says that your father is deserving because he has a very big huge house more than his need and he can sell or rented or utilises in other way to earn more for her wife but he is living in very big house with his son and his son spend his money on his wife and child and live luxuriously.In all tkis situation what should I do???????????who is responsible for my mother me and my sisters????////or my brother?????????or my father???????
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
In general, all of you are required to be kind and dutiful to your mother. If she is poor and unable to meet the expenses of her treatment, then whoever amongst you is well off –whether a male or a female –is obliged to spend on her treatment. According to the agreement of all the scholars 
the well off children are obliged to spend on their poor mother. Hence, you should calculate how much the expenses of the treatment of your mother cost and then divide it amongst the number of well off children, regardless whether they are males or females. This is in regard to spending on her.
As regards taking care of her and serving her, then in principle all of you are equally required to do so as this is part of being kind and dutiful to her, rather this is the essence of kindness and dutifulness.
However, whoever amongst you is unable to do this for a valid reason, like residing far away from her which makes it impossible for him/her to return and live with her, or a married daughter who is under the guardianship of her husband, then these are excused and Allaah does not overburden a soul more than it can bear. In this case, the responsibility and obligation falls on those who live with her or live close to her while being able to service her and fulfil her needs. When serving her, there is no doubt that there are things which females may do but not males. Furthermore, her sons in-law (husbands of her daughters) are not religiously obliged to spend on her.
You should know that serving and fulfilling the needs of your mother, taking care of her and being kind and dutiful to her, is one of the doors leading to Paradise, so you should compete in doing this. You should beware of abandoning this great act of worship for which a person is greatly rewarded and beware of trying to escape this responsibility. This is nothing but being deprived by Allaah from the performance of good deeds; we seek refuge in Allaah from this. You should know that The Prophet 
said: "The parent is the middle door (leading) to Paradise. Lose that door if you wish or preserve it." [At-Tirmithi]
The meaning is that the best and highest door to Paradise, and the best act by which one wishes to enter Paradise and reach its highest levels because of doing it, is by pleasing the parents and fulfilling their rights.
For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 82254, 82200 and 101312.