Spending on disobedient unmarried daughters
31-3-2008 | IslamWeb
Question:
After 3 month of marriage with my second wife, my first wife left me. My wife took my daughters away from me who are 13 years, 15 years, 17 years, and 18 years of age. Am I obligated to provide for my daughters since they are helping their mother to be defiance and disobedient toward me by going along with her? I ask them to come back but they can't leave their mother side. I know they are in a very bad situation and they love their mother more than me, Alhamdulillah and they should, since I spent most of my time working and providing for them and especially their mother is always with them and gave birth to them. However, by going along with their mother, this gave my wife companionship and strength to follow her desires and angers even though I have not excepted her Khula. Also no Imam or leader of the Islamic community have favored her desicion for Khula. I want to be patient with her because I love her very much, she is my best friend and (was) a good wife. My first question is what are my rights toward my children? My second question is, am I obligated to except the Khula if the Imams agrees with my wife. Is the Imam authority similar to a Muslim Qadi because many Imams here (Britian) are not knowledgable in the Islamic jurisprudent of divorce and their Aqeedah and actions are not like the Salifas-Saleh. I don't want my daughters to think that it is ok in Islam to just walk away from the husband without any rule or stipulation or consequence. May Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'aala) reward you for helping me to do what is just and better, Insha Allaah.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
It is not permissible for your daughters to help their mother in being disobedient and cooperate with her in this regard, as this is helping her in sin. However, this does not wave their right of spending on them. Rather, you are obliged to spend on them unless they get married or have enough money that suffices them and do not need your help. Nonetheless, they are obliged to be kind and dutiful to you and keep ties with you.
You should solve this matter with wisdom and in a soft and good manner, and try to reconcile with your wife and not accept to divorce her or grant her Khul’ unless there is no other alternative than separation.
It is permissible for you to accept Khul’ and you will be obliged to accept it if the Islamic institutions order you to do so. Some scholars, like Al-‘Adawi 
from the Maaliki School of jurisprudence, stated that a just Muslim community substitutes the judge in every matter in which it is impossible to reach the judge or when the judge is unjust.
There is no need to compare the state of the nation nowadays with the state that our righteous predecessors were upon.
As regards the fear that your daughters may believe that a wife may freely separate from her husband, then you are right to think this way. However, you should know that the fact that divorce is in the hands of the husband, does not mean that he is permitted to be unjust to his wife or harm her. Otherwise, she may resort to the court in order to remove injustice and harm off her.
In any case, the best solution is to try and reconcile with your first wife in order to reunite the family especially that you mentioned that she is a good wife. Therefore, you should try to please her by speaking good words to her or doing a good act towards her, and you should not resort to divorce or to Khul’ unless this is the last solution.
For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 81469 about the ruling on polygyny, Fatwa 90132 about the ruling on how a woman can overcome her emotions and jealousy, and Fataawa 88233 and 84687 about the ruling on the obligation of spending on one’s children.
Allaah Knows best.