His wife refuses his call to bed and does not contribute to household expenses
5-11-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am married since 3 years ago and we had a familiar problem in 1st year with my parents that we couldnt resolve yet. It sill existing but we try to forget it, but still coming to our comversation everytime we argue. My wife doent take can sexual needs as serious, we have sex just when she likes, sometimes we pass more then moth and probably 2 or more without having sex. I always telll her that our issues doenst have to reflect in our obligations, now we have a nother problem, i am new in USA, I just got a job and now she want me to hold the house and pay for everything even she works a good job, I know is my responsability but I told her if I have to pay for everything, she needs to stay home because she spend a long time at work and she doenst take care of the house. also she doesnt give me the respect I deserve as husband. I try to be patient because i know marriage is not easy and the divorce in not the solution. Please, I need a advice for you. We both are muslims Alhamdoulillah, but She doenst lesten to me, I think because of American woman culture, but is hard for me to accept all that. I told her if she want me to be responsable we need to go back to my country, there I know I will do everythign for her. but she refuses. Thanck you wajazaaka Allahou Khayran
Salam
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Both spouses should endeavor to do anything that could achieve the objectives of marriage in Islamic Sharee’ah, the most important of which is to find the psychological stability in the family, so they should both be keen on avoiding problems as much as possible.
If what you mentioned about your wife is true that she does not obey you when you call her to bed unless she desires to do so, in addition to her despising you despite of you being her maintainer and protector, then she is disobedient to her Lord and negligent about the rights of her husband on her. Indeed, Allaah made the husband as being the maintainer and protector for his wife; Allaah Says (what means): {Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.}[Quran 4:34]
Moreover, a wife is religiously obliged to obey her husband when he calls her to bed and she is not permitted to refuse without any sound reason, otherwise the angels will curse her until the morning as confirmed in the Hadeeth reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim 
.
Indeed you did well by being patient with her and not hastening to divorce her. Moreover, you should be wise in solving these problems with her and reminding her of the texts that we previously mentioned [the Hadeeth and the verse] as she might be deterred.
On the other hand, you should know that residing in a non-Muslim country is one of the reasons that render the wives disobedient to their husbands and render the children disobedient to their parents. Therefore, we advise Muslims to migrate with their families in order to reside with them in a Muslim country, as this is one of the means for solving such problems or minimizing them. Furthermore, a wife should obey her husband if he asks her to return [to a Muslim country] as she should reside where her husband resides.
As regards provision, a husband is obliged to spend on his wife in regard to the necessities of life, like food, drink, clothing and accommodation; however, he is not obliged to provide her with luxuries (i.e. not essentials) and his wife is not permitted to oblige him to do so.
In our view, there should be a mutual understanding between the spouses in regard to these matters and a wife should help her husband financially since she earns money. Moreover, a husband is permitted to prevent his wife from going out to work if she had not conditioned this on him when concluding the marriage contract as we clarified in Fatwa 101899.
Furthermore, if they agreed that she will spend on herself or that she will give him part of her salary in return for him allowing her to work, then this is permissible.
Finally, if your wife continues to disdain you and look down upon you and she is not deterred after exhausting the means of rectifying her attitude –as we clarified in Fatwa 85402 –and you think that it is better to divorce her, then it becomes permissible for you to divorce her and Allaah may bless you with a better wife.
Allaah Knows best.