His first wife refuses to share his bed
25-4-2010 | IslamWeb
Question:
Aslm alkm, i have two wives and till now im justifying equaly. but my first wife left me and took my three kids and sent a court notice saying that she want to live separately from me and i tried to call her but she refused to come back now she is away from me(800 km from my place) past two years and every month i use go to see her and kids and stay for 2 days and come back. but she is not allowing me to share the bed also.. i know that Allah will make half body leaning at akirah but i dnt know what to do she needs only money she does not want to share bed with me . so past two years im not sharing bed but i use to giive money properly .. i use to stay always with my second wife where she fulfills my love and affection...please tell me i thlught to divorce her but i have 3 kids .so i dnt want to give divorce. so im sending money every month ...pls tell me what im doing is right or wrong. im happy with my second wife . i want to know whether i will be punished if i not share bed with first wife can i compel her for the bed sharing pls tell me..im a husband so i have rights to call my wife to bed sharing can i compel her.. if she refuse also. pls guide me what to do. may allah bless u
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
If your wife had left the marital home without your permission and she refuses to come back, then she is a disobedient wife and she is sinful. The jurists 
stated that when one’s wife becomes disobedient, she loses her right of staying overnight with her and she loses her right as well of spending on her. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 131284.
Therefore, you are not wronging her by not giving her right of staying with her overnight. For more benefit on the steps to follow in treating a disobedient wife, please refer to Fatwa 85402.
If she refuses to share your bed without a sound reason, then this is a great evil and disobedience as well and there is a severe threat about it in Sharee’ah; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 85219.
Moreover, it is permissible for you [as a husband] to force your wife to have sexual intercourse with you if there is no Sharee’ah impediment as this is your right and you are permitted to achieve it without her consent, but this is not the best solution.
Furthermore, you are not obliged to divorce her, and we advise you to try to rectify her and follow the steps that we have previously mentioned.
Since she does not want you to have sexual intercourse with her, and you do not need this [as you have another wife] and she is pleased with this current situation between you and her, then this is better than divorcing her. Besides, you are not sinful since she has agreed to renounce her right [of spending the night with her and having sexual intercourse with her].
Allaah Knows best.