The girl he wants to marry is on bad terms with his parents
30-5-2010 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalamoaleqm, Am in a relation with a good muslim believing girl. We liked each other and told our parents about our intention of getting married few years down the line.My parents and her's stay in the same town and I work in a different city. Everything went smooth for a year, but then misunderstanding between the families crept in. My father said unpleasant things to her because of misunderstanding. And now she doesn't respect my parents. I have promised her to marry her for i love her. And after marriage she don't want to come to my family. Am in distress because of the displeasure between her and my parents before marriage itself. Whenever i try to explain about my parents to her she become insecure and thinks am favouring them and labell me as a selfishman who wants everything wife and parents both. I don't want to suppress her rights and at the same time want to be a good son. My softness towards my parents is considered as weakness in me as a husband. I don't want to break my promise of marrying her and find myself in distress seeing so much hate in her for my parents. Kindly give me some advice according to shariaa on how i should better cope up following all my duties as a good son and a good husband. May allah bless us all...
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Indeed, you did well by being keen to be kind and dutiful to your parents and you should continue doing so as the parent is the middle door of Paradise, so you should preserve this door. For more benefit on the rights of the parents, please refer to Fataawa 84942 and 82254.
The status of the parents is much greater than the status of the wife and their right in being kind and dutiful to them comes in priority over the right of the wife when the two rights conflict with one another as we clarified in Fataawa 99471 and 86430.
No doubt, if a person looses his parents, he cannot replace them, but if he looses his wife, he can easily marry another wife.
Therefore, if this woman does not respect your parents and wants you to consider her at a higher status than the status of your parents, then she does not deserve to be your wife. Besides, if she behaves in that manner with you and with them while she is not yet your wife, then the matter may be even worse and the consequences may be more serious when you marry her.
Therefore, we advise you to refrain from marrying her and instead you should choose a religious woman of a good moral conduct who is more likely to know the status of the husband and help him in being kind and dutiful to his parents. Abu Hurayrah 
narrated that the Prophet said: "A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, her family lineage, her beauty and her religion. So choose the religious one, you will prosper." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Indeed a Muslim may combine between being kind and dutiful to his parents and fulfilling the right of his wife; he knows the rights of each party and endeavors to fulfill them. Rather, one should not suppose that the two rights conflict with one another: the rights of the parents on one hand and the right of the wife on the other hand. Balancing between the two and giving each one his right is possible and easy, Allaah willing.
Finally, it should be noted that it is forbidden for a man to establish an affectionate relationship with a non-Mahram woman as we clarified in Fatwa 81356. Therefore, you should take the initiative to repent from this and cut the relationship with this girl immediately. In addition to this, if one is afflicted by love sickness, then its treatment is easy, Allaah willing; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 84544.
Allaah Knows best.