She sees no good reason to stay with her abusive and unfaithful husband
16-6-2010 | IslamWeb
Question:
Dear Sir, I am married for last 6 years and have 3 children, 2 boys and a girl(4yrs, 2yrs and 5 months old). Since my marriage I had many arguments with my husbands which ended up him rasing his hands on me hitting me very bad. Mostly the arguments were due to my husband not being loyal to me, not taking care of myself and the kids, not even trying to spend some time with us. To help myself out with my needs I started to work in 2008 and to get out of truama (physical and mental) basically. Since then I have running the needs of my children and myself. He refuses to pay any help for me and even the children. Whatever money he earns he spends it on his own leisure. My husband gets into relations and then when it appears in front of me I completely get heart broken and then it leads to argument. He has done this many times and has not a little bit of regret for all that he has done or is being doing. He even does not pray even the Friday prayer. He was into drugs and has been out of it for last few months when threatened by his father. I live in joint family with his parents and brothers, and thier wives. He even goes to night clubs and drinks alcohol. Recently again we had a argument due to him not paying anything for the kids and he started hitting me very bad, I could not bear the mental and physical torture and reported this to local police station with my reports from Hamad hospital. Now he has mentioned to me that he wants to divorce me and he even wouldnt mind me even take the kids with myself. I really dont mind because I do not see any good reason for myself to still live life with my husband. My only concern is my children I want to take them with me and do not wish my husband to have any kind of link with them where I again have to communicate with him. Now my question is... 1.Am I wrong in any way? 2.Do I have to force myself to live with such a man? 3.Can I keep my children for myself as I do not want them to see all this & grow?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
If what you mentioned is true that your husband beat you severely and he does not spend on you or your children, in addition to him consuming intoxicants and abandoning the prayer and establishing relationships with non-Mahram women, then he is negligent about his wife and his children, he is disobedient to His Lord and he is committing grave major sins.
Therefore, he should be advised and reminded of Allaah and that he should fear Allaah with regard to his wife and his children as he will be questioned about them in front of Allaah on the Day of Judgment. Ibn ‘Umar 
narrated that the Prophet said: “And a man is a guardian in his house and is responsible for the people under his guardianship.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] Moreover, the Prophet said: “It is enough a sin for a person not to provide means of sustenance for those whom he is obliged to support.” [Ahmad and Abu Daawood]
Therefore, if this husband becomes righteous and repents to Allaah, then this is what is required, but if he persists on this situation, then you are not obliged to stay with him; rather, it is no good for you to stay with him, and divorce is better for you.
As regards your question whether or not you were wrong, then if you refer to taking the matter to the police because of him abusing you, then the answer is that you are not wrong in doing so, as you have the right to repel harm off you with permissible means.
However, if divorce takes place, then you have the right in the fostering of the children as long as you do not remarry. If you remarry, the fostering moves to the female who has more right in fostering them after you, like your mother, for example. For more benefit, refer to Fatwa 84618. Besides, this father who has those bad characteristics is not suitable for fostering them because he is a dissolute person and a dissolute person cannot be trusted. For details, refer to Fatwa 90461.
Furthermore, if you were entitled for the fostering of your children, then you are not allowed to prevent their father from seeing them; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 135100.
Finally, we would like to point out to the following matters:
1- A husband is obliged to keep good marital relationships with his wife as a way of fulfilling the orders of Allaah; for more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 86618 and 88304.
2- It is not permissible for the husband to beat his wife, and even if there is a sound reason for hitting his wife, there are specific conditions for doing so, which we clarified in Fatwa 89480.
3- A wife is not responsible to spend on herself or her children and if she spends without the intention of charity, she is entitled to ask her husband to reimburse her for that; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 85012.
4- If the children of a divorced wife are living with her, then it is their father who is obliged to spend on them as we clarified in Fatwa 88233.
5- If there is any dispute about the maintenance and fostering of the children and the like, then one should resort to the Islamic court as it is more appropriate for it to study the matter.
Allaah Knows best.