Does Wife's Obedience to Husband Mean Complete Character Dissolution?
19-7-2017 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am asking if a wife is supposed to become subordinate to her husband's preferences, thus losing her independence and becoming obliged to obey her husband in all matters, aside from her duties and obligations as a wife. I heard that it is impermissible for a woman to disobey her husband only in matters related to his rights over her, but that she has full freedom to do whatever she wants as long as she observes obedience to Allah, the Exalted. In the case of noncompliance, a wife is considered disobedient and the relevant verse regarding a disobedient wife applies to her. Allah, the Exalted, says (what means): {...But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]...} [Quran 2:228] However, we see some people ascribing a thousand degrees of superiority over women to men. What is your opinion in this regard?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
Allah, the Exalted, says (what means): {Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth...} [Quran 4:34]
Um Salamah 
reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, "Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her will enter the Paradise." [At-Tirmithi, Ibn Majah and Al-Hakim]
Ibn ‘Abbas 
said:
A woman (Asma' bint Yazeed ) came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and said, "O Messenger of Allah, I am speaking on behalf of women. Allah has ordained jihad on men. If they are victorious, they are rewarded, and if they are killed, they are alive with their Lord, Who provides for them. And we – the women – support and take care of them, so what is our reward in doing so?" The Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, "Inform every woman you meet that a woman's obedience to her husband and recognizing his rights will be equivalent to all of this (jihad) and only a small number of you will do so." [ Al-Bazzar and At-Tabarani]
Moreover, ‘A'ishah related that she said, "O Messenger of Allah, who has the greatest right over a woman?" He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, "Her husband." She, may Allah be pleased with her, added, "Who has the greatest right over a man?" He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, "His mother." [Al-Bazzar and Al-Hakim: good]
Upon pondering over the texts of the abovementioned revelations, one deduces that they clearly state that it is obligatory for a woman to obey her husband. However, such obedience should only be in good and especially regarding lawful matters, since there should be no obedience to any creature if it constitutes disobedience to the Creator.
Muslim jurists clarified, "Obeying one whose obedience is obligatory upon a Muslim is only obligatory in lawful matters and when no harm is involved. Such obedience is similar to that of one's father, a ruler and similar authorities. It is only within the scope of lawful matters.”
We know that parents are entitled to prevent their son from participating in jihad if it is not obligatory.
However, a husband should not exploit such obedience to demonstrate his superiority, tyranny or transgression against her because it is ordained due to wisdom. As such, it is willed by Allah Almighty and is in the best interests of a Muslim family. All institutions, firms and companies have a manager who has the final say and authority over all matters. Thus, the "institution" of the Muslim family is more deserving of this as it is considered the basic building block of Muslim society.
Allah knows best.