All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
The wife has the right over her husband to treat her kindly; this is the commandment of Allaah and the guidance of the Prophet as previously explained in Fataawa 88304 and 86618.
If your husband is as you mentioned, then he is opposing the above commandment and guidance.
On the other hand, if a wife is recalcitrant, then the Sharee’ah clarified how to discipline a recalcitrant wife and deserting one’s wife or divorcing her is not the primary solution. For more benefit on how to discipline a recalcitrant wife, please refer to Fatwa 85402.
If the wife goes back to being obedient to her husband, then he is not permitted to hold her accountable for what happened in the past or discipline her because of it; Allaah says (what means): {But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allaah is ever Exalted and Grand.}[Quran 4:34] This verse is a threat to the husbands. Moreover, a husband should not consider divorce as a sword in the face of his wife by which he threatens her. He should either keep her in kindness or divorce her in kindness.
In any case, we advise you to be patient with him. Patience is the best solution at times of affliction and difficulties. You should continue to pray and not despair as the hearts are in the Hands of Allaah and He changes them as He wishes. Indeed, Allaah commanded us to supplicate Him and whoever puts hope in Allaah will never despair; Allaah says (what means): {And your Lord says, Call upon Me; I will respond to you.” Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell [rendered] contemptible.}[Quran 40:60]
It is alright to continue seeking the help of righteous and pious people for mediation. After all this, if he chooses divorce and initiates the process, then you should not stay attached to him: you should accept what Allaah has decreed. Allaah may bless you with a better husband by His Grace; Allaah says (what means): {But if they separate [by divorce], Allaah will enrich each [of them] from His abundance. And ever is Allaah Encompassing and Wise.}[Quran 4:130]
Finally, if a husband divorces his wife while she is in her menstrual period or when he has had sexual intercourse with her before she gets her period, then this is Bid'ah divorce (does not conform with Sunnah), and according to the strongest opinion of the scholars, it takes effect. This is the view of the majority of the scholars as clarified in Fatwa 84647.
If a layman seeks Fatwa from a person whom he trusts and the latter issues Fatwa to him that divorce did not take place, and he follows his view, then he is not sinful. However, seeking out leniency according to whims and desires is not permissible. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 149193 and 82541.
Allaah Knows best.