Two men proposed to her, the first disappeared and her mother refuses the second
26-12-2013 | IslamWeb
Question:
after doing my prayers and asking Allah to guide me to take a decision , i turned back to ask a scholar like you to help me also. I know that sure Allah will give me what is the best for me but as you have eperience in that field , i may find an answer to my request. sorry of not writing in Arabic, as i dont have an Arabic key borad. i will tell you about my story , it s a bit long but please please please do help me. im a young female in my thirthis ,al hamdoullillah i fear Allah in all my deeds , im educated al hamdolillah , i was working but the company made an end to my contract so im looking for a job. this year my cousin asked me for marriage , i answered i have no objection but you have to ask my parents first. he is 3 years younger than me . he came and asked dad but my father told him if you will leave your work , i will not accept that proposal . to tell you that my brothers were against and i could not say one word to them even if i wanted that marriage. he went to his work without any news from him till now, it s about 4 mounths. in between i met another man from a marriage site , he is divoreced from a chritian women and having 3 kids 19, 14,12 YEaSR OLD.he came to meet me and he proposed marriage , i told mom , my brother my sisters and because my father went to hajj i could not tell him at that time .this man told me that he has 40000 euros as a loan from the bank , 14 years older than me . the problem is that my mother is againt that i want to get married but i cannot go against the will of my mother. she told me to tell him no for that mariage but i cannot hurt him. please, is mom correct , what can i do as he is asking me to tell my father so that he will come directly for mariage. to tell you this is not the first person to whom mom said no. please answer my request , Allah only know how i feel now
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His Slave and Messenger.
forbade men from proposing to a woman who was already engaged to another Muslim brother for marriage as per the Hadeeth reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim and narrated by Abu Hurayrah 
.
You should not annul the engagement with him just because you have not received any news from him during this period. Rather, it is better to make sure whether or not he is determined to go through with the marriage. Annulling the engagement in this case may lead to bad consequences especially as you are relatives. It should be noted that it is permissible to annul an engagement, but this is disliked if there is no reason for doing so.
If we presume that there is nothing that prevents you from being proposed to by another man, then it should be first mentioned that it is not enough to know the man through the Internet, as marriage through such a means in general ends in failure. Rather, you should ask trustworthy people who know him about him. If he is evidently a religious man and has good moral conduct, then there is nothing wrong with accepting him as a husband.
As regards your mother, it is better for you to try to convince her to accept your marriage with him. You should first seek the help of Allaah, and then the help of those whom you believe that she will listen to. They should remind her that you are getting older and that there is danger in delaying your marriage. If she accepts, then praise to Allaah, but if she insists on refusing, then it is permissible for you to marry without her consent. However, it is a must to have the consent of your guardian and two witnesses must be present. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 83629 and 128966.
Finally, it should be mentioned that the difference of age between the spouses, or him being previously married, or him having taken a loan, all of these are not legitimate reasons for you not to marry him, but if the loan was a Riba (usury) based loan, then he is obliged to repent for the sin of borrowing money with Riba.
Allaah Knows best.