How to deal with a strong-willed child?

29-1-2014 | IslamWeb

Question:

Assalamualaikum… Does 'strong-willed children' exist in Islam? What is the best way to handle a strong-willed child...Sometimes my child simply says 'no' whenever we asked her to do something… She likes to fight and purposely pick on her siblings… When I asked why she said 'because I feel like to'…please help me…
Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

We do not understand what exactly you mean by your statement: “does 'strong-willed children' exist in Islam?”; you perhaps mean to ask whether there are religious texts about them. The answer is that we do not know of any texts with this meaning. Nonetheless, the best thing that we can advise you to do with such a child is the following:

First: Be patient with her as much as possible, because dealing with her in a harsh manner may make her more stubborn and reinforce this behavior of stubbornness in her. In general, the consequence of being patient is good, Allah willing. Please refer to fatwa 88764.

Second: Supplicating for her with goodness, and asking Allah to guide her. The supplication of the parent for his/her children will be answered, Allah willing. Abu Hurayrah may Allaah be pleased with him narrated that the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "There are three supplications that will undoubtedly be answered (by Allah): The supplication of a victim of injustice, the supplication of a traveler, and the supplication of a parent for his child." [Ibn Maajah - Al-Albaani graded it Hasan (good)]

Third: Performing Islamic Ruqyah on her, so that Allah protects her and repels the devils from her. Ibn 'Abbaas may Allaah be pleased with him said that the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) used to seek refuge with Allah for his grandsons Al-Hasan and Al-Husayn saying: “I seek refuge for you with the Perfect Words of Allah from every devil and poisonous pest and from every evil envious eye.” Then he said: "Your forefather (i.e. Ibraaheem [Abraham]) used to seek refuge with Allah for Ismaa’eel (Ishmael) and Is-haaq (Isaac) by reciting the same.” [Ahmad, Abu Dawood and Tirmithi]

Fourth: Right guidance, in the manner that best suits the child's mind, about the importance of respect for parents, with an emphasis on drawing her attention to the fraternal relationship that links her with her siblings, as this may decrease her aggressiveness towards them.

Finally, we would like to point out to the two following matters:

1- The parents should not make a big issue out of such behavior from children. Reacting nervously will probably lead to adverse consequences. It is by handling with it in a calm and wise manner that one arrives at the best solution that leads to positive results.

2- Some education researchers say that the stubbornness of the child is an indication of good characteristics which may benefit him or her in the future - namely strength of character and self-esteem.

For more benefit on some guidelines for disciplining children and addressing some negative behaviors, please refer to Fataawa 91461, 87009 and 83178.

Allah knows best.

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