She wants to take Khul' from her husband but her parents refuse
4-5-2016 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalaamu alaykum, may Allah direct you to answer me to which is best for me, ameen. I have been married for nine years now and have a child with my husband. However, the last five years have been nothing but arguments, fights, and dislike between us. It has come to a point where I cannot take it anymore. I lost myself and try to like him, but I cannot, and I am afraid that if I stay with him I am going to do everything wrong. There has been a history of physical violence, cursing, cheating, and all kinds of craziness in our marriage, and now I am tired of it. I want to move on with my life and find a partner that I will compete with in bbeying Allah and being a great human, not like in my current relationship in which we compete on who can hurt the other the most and who can be worse than the other. I talk to my parents and his, but they refuse to let us divorce because it will bring shame to the families. Most of all, they do not really know how bad i=we are for each other because they live in a different country. My husband and I do not even sleep together anymore, every time he touches me I detest him more. Early on in our marriage, I realized that he cannot satisfy me because of some defect that he has on his private part, but I have always been and still am too shy to tell that anyone. Moreover, I cannot take it anymore, I just want to divorce from him without people knowing about his problem. I had talked with him about it, and he knows that it bothers me, but he still refuses to let me go. I imagine myself and other men being intimate just to feel satisfied and I do not want to do that anymore. Please let me know what I can do since both families and my husband refuse to help me divorce and find something halal. The imam of my community says that I can only do a khul’ if my family helps me and are witnesses and that I can only get a divorce if my husband releases me with a waiting period. What can I do since all this is not available for me now? Can I just leave so that my family and my husband would know that I am serious? What do you advice me to do?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
If a wife is harmed by her husband, then she has the right to ask him for a divorce; please refer to fatwa 84309.
If she hates him and fears to be negligent about his right, then she has the right to ask him for a khul’ in return for compensation; please refer to fataawa 86307 and 297616.
We advice you to supplicate Allaah to rectify your affairs and have rational and wise people would interfere for this purpose. In case this is of no avail and marital life becomes impossible, then the benefit of divorce becomes more preponderant.
Your parents – let alone other people – have no right to force you to stay with your husband in those conditions. Obedience to the parents is only required in what is permissible, as is confirmed by the Sunnah. Indeed, it is neither permissible nor reasonable for the parents to order their daughter to do something that harms her. For the limits of obedience to parents, please refer to fatwa 84942.
If it is not possible to convince your husband to agree to divorce you or give you a khul’, then you may take the matter to the nearest Islamic center to you in order for them to study your case and remove harm from you either by a divorce or a khul’.
We did not understand what you mean by the statement of that imaam, that you can only get a divorce if your husband releases you during your 'iddah period.
Finally, we should also point out that the wife should respond to her husband if he invites her to bed and that she is not permitted to refuse without a valid excuse. If the husband is unjust to his wife, then some scholars are of the view that she is permitted to desert him in bed. Ibn Hajar 
said, "...she is not to be blamed unless she began deserting him, and he became angry because of this, or that he deserted her while she is unjust and she did not seek pardon for her sin and deserted him, but if he started deserting her while he is unjust to her, then she is not to be blamed.”
It is not permissible for the wife to imagine having intercourse with somebody else other than her husband in order to satisfy her sexual desire. Please, refer to fatwa 87197.
Allaah knows best.