Consultation and permission without any compulsion

5-5-2011 | IslamWeb

Question:

If a religious suitor who possesses highly refined manners and morals proposes to marry a girl, but she refuses, what is the Islamic ruling in this regard? What is her parents’ role concerning this issue and that of her family?

---

Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

 

Undeniably, if a religious and well-mannered suitor proposes to marry a girl, she should not refuse his proposal, for Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "If comes to you a man whose religion and morals you approve, let him marry [from the women under your guardianship]. If you do not, there will be Fitnah (trial) on earth and great corruption.”   [Ibn Majah and At-Tirmithi]

Note that the command in this narration is to guide us towards doing what is better and more preferable.

In fact, the girl’s parents and the whole family should advise her and try to convince her to marry the religious and well-mannered suitor. However, if she insists on refusing this man’s proposal, they have no right to compel her to marry him; for Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "A previously-married woman, should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "Messenger of Allaah! How can we know (that she has consented)?" He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "Her silence (indicates her permission)." [Al-Bukhari, Ahmad, Abu Daawood, An-Nasaa'i, At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]

Allaah Knows best.