Sexually Abused By Her Father and Uncles

5-3-2020 | IslamWeb


Salam, so I'm a 19 year old female and im also a survivor of sexual abuse. My father and a couple of my uncles used to molest me from the tender age of 4-5. It stopped around the age of 12. But to this day im scared and disgusted by the opposite gender. I have never told anyone about this and I'm afraid of going to therapy or telling someone because i dont know what will happen next. My parents are still together which means i have to act like nothing happened and that i love my dad. I just need some advice on what to do. This is honestly killing me, i have noticed that the more i think about it the more i want to get away from my deen. The more i flirt with boys and the more i look for others for love and attention. I know this is a heavy subject but i need help. I need to know that i didnt do anything wrong, that maybe this is gods test. I just dont know how to overcome it because i cant forgive them and i have this huge hatered for them this exteme anger and disgust that clouds my mind.


All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, we ask Allah, The Exalted, to remove your anxiety, relieve your distress, and bless your heart with reassurance and tranquility. We advise you to supplicate Allah abundantly and focus on the supplications related to relieving distress. You can find them in Athkaar (expressions of remembrance of Allah) books like Hisn Al-Muslim and others. You should also recite Thikr (singular form of Athkaar) frequently, for it brings tranquility and reassurance to the heart; Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means): {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.} [Quran 13:28] Moreover, you should keenly preoccupy yourself with what benefits you.

Secondly, if what you mentioned is true and your father and paternal uncles did that to you, then this is a hideous wrongdoing and a grave offence committed against you. It is expected of your father and uncles to be kind and compassionate towards you and protect your honor, not to violate it! This is why scholars mentioned that incest is the gravest category of Zina (fornication).

Thirdly, you are not blamed for the hatred you harbor in your heart for your father and uncles because of their evil conduct against you; this falls into the category of the matters of the heart that are beyond a person's control. Therefore you will not be held accountable for them. Accordingly, you are not considered undutiful towards your father, nor does harboring such feelings count as cutting the ties of kinship. With regard to pardoning others (who have wronged you), it is among the best righteous deeds that draw one closer to Allah, The Almighty, and the most virtuous acts of obedience by means of which a Muslim can earn the love of Allah, The Exalted, and become more honorable (in the sight of Allah) and obtain a high rank with Him. Pardoning the father’s wrongdoing, in particular, is one of the prescribed acts of dutifulness towards him.

Fourthly, it is incumbent on you to be dutiful and kind to your father, despite his negligence of your rights (over him). The enjoined dutifulness towards the parents is not waived on account of their wrongdoing. Allah, The Almighty, Says (what means): {But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.} [Quran 31:15] The Islamic Sharee‘ah commands dutifulness towards the parents despite their disbelief and keenness to lead their child astray.

Fifthly, it is incumbent on you to maintain ties of kinship with your paternal uncles; they are among your relatives and it is obligatory to uphold ties of kinship with them in a way that spares you any potential harm, and counts as upholding ties of kinship according to social norms and common practice, such as visits, phone calls, or the like.

Sixthly, if you feel that you need to see a psychiatrist, there is nothing wrong with that. A female psychiatrist takes precedence in this regard, even if she is non-Muslim, over a male psychiatrist, even if he is Muslim. You should not disclose all the details of the incidents to the psychiatrist; rather, you should disclose the needed information only.

Allah Knows best.