Wears His Hair Long and Wants To Keep It in A Man Bun while Parents Object

25-3-2020 | IslamWeb

Question:

Alsalam Alikum,
So I am guy with long curly hair that lives in a European country. My parents want me to cut it because they think it is imitating women which is haram, but my hair doesn’t look like women’s hair. They pointed out that when my hair gets wet it reaches the top part of my back but when it drys it compresses to shoulder length. So I would like to know if it is considered as imitating women and also, I would like to know the ruling on tying it in a man bun. If it is all halal and I do it despite my parents disagree on it, is it considered as disobedience to the parents?
Thanks a lot and may Allah guide us to what is best for us in our life on this earth and the after life.
Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

There is nothing wrong with having long hair per se. The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) used to let his hair grow long. Just letting the hair grow long is not an imitation of women, and what is commonly done by both men and women is not considered imitation. Scholars underlined that the criterion that determines whether a behavior is considered forbidden imitation of women is when that behavior is specific to women alone. Styling the hair and wearing it in a bun is specific to women, and, therefore, it is impermissible for a man to imitate women in this regard; otherwise, he would be cursed.

If the way you wear your hair constitutes imitation of women, then it is definitely incumbent on you to obey your parents in this regard and wear your hair in any other way that does not constitute imitation of women. Refraining from imitating women is an obligation according to the Sharee‘ah, and the obligation is further emphasized due to the command of the parents. However, if the way you wear your hair does not constitute imitating women, and your parents have no reason for commanding you to cut it, and no harm is feared were you to leave it as it is, then it is not incumbent on you to obey them in this regard.

Please, refer to Fatwa 84942 to know the criterion governing the obligation to obey the parents.

However, it is better to obey your parents and earn their satisfaction in any case since it is one of the greatest good deeds by means of which one draws closer to Allah, and it is one of the best acts of obedience to Allah, The Exalted, to earn His love and pleasure. At-Tirmithi may Allaah have mercy upon him reported that the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: “The pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of the parents.”

Allah Knows best.

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