Married son's mother controls his earnings
22-12-1999 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am a Muslim adult male working as a professional. I am recently married and have a daughter. I live in my parents’ home with my brother and sister. Since I got my job (around 5 years ago) my mother keeps my salary with her. I do not have any access to it. If I need anything I ask her and she gives it to me. For example, if I need a new shirt she gives me a little money and I buy it. Since I married, I feel that I need my salary in my hands. There are many things that I sometimes need for my family or me. But my mother does not always give me the money I need. For example, a new dress for my wife or child, etc. My salary is around 2500 US dollars. But my mother only gives me around 180 dollars per month! When I go to my mother and ask her for some extra money for something to buy, she says: “why do you want that? There is no need to buy that. If you really want it I will buy it for you.” She tells me that I am getting free stay in her house, free food, etc, so what more do I want, she tells me. I asked her a few times to let me have my salary but she became very upset and said: “How dare you say ‘my money’, I am your mother and I have right over you!” But my mother is very nice and loving and loves me very much. She brings for me all the important things like food, clothes, pampers for my baby, etc. But the problem is that when I want something that my mother feels is not necessary then she does not give me the money! My father knows this but does not say anything. He tells me: “she is your mother, you must love and respect her and listen to her.” What should I do? Can I secretly take my salary without her knowledge or is this HARAM? I tried talking to her but no use. Please give me some suggestions. Thank you and may Allah Bless you.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, you should obey your mother, keep good company with her and obey her within what is permissible [i.e. in what is not a disobedience to Allah], and you should return to her some of the good, affection and love she offered to you while you were a child. You should remember the saying of Allah (which means): {Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents.} [Quran 4:36]. Allah also says: {And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.} [Quran [31:14-15]
Allah further says: {And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with hardship, and the bearing of him is thirty months.} [Quran 46:15]
Besides, Abu Hurayrah 
narrated that a man came to the Prophet and said: “Who is more deserving of my good company? The Prophet replied: “Your mother” Then the man said: “Then, who? The Prophet replied: “Your mother”. He said: “Then, who.” He replied: “Your mother”. The man said: “And then who? The Prophet replied: “Then your father” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] There are many other verses and Hadeeths which urge us to be kind and dutiful to the parents.
However, this obedience mentioned in the Hadeeth is limited to what is permissible (in the Sharee’ah); what is permissible in this respect is that your salary should stay under your hand and then you should give to your mother what she needs, and not the opposite. The supervision of properties and money should be in a man's mission as he is the protector and provider (of his family); Allah Says (what means):
{Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend from their means).} [Quran 4:34] This is general even if it was mentioned in the context of wives. However, you should try to convince your mother in a way that pleases her. You should know that some mothers are too sensitive as far as their son's wives are concerned. This sensitivity might lead them to act in some improper manner. At the same time, some wives may act in a way that angers their husband's mothers. In this case, the son should stop his wife from angering his mother and oblige her to give good company to his mother.
Allah knows best.