Questions Validity of Marriage to a Girl while He Touched Her Mother with Lust
12-1-2002 | IslamWeb
Question:
If one merely touched his mother in law with lust (my hand may have touched her hand or her hand may have touched mine and I experienced an erection), does Nikah with her daughter become Haram? Explanation: I need urgent advice in this matter? I am a young man and an immoral person. I have unclean thoughts and frequent erections. Just looking at a woman or if a woman merely touches me by mistake, I have an erection! Now, I am meant to marry this girl, but I don't know if I should. I have read that even if one merely touches his mother in-law with lust, her daughter becomes Haram to him forever? (Meaning if I experience an erection before or after touching?) I admit sometimes I have looked at my mother in-law (Auntie) with lust at her breasts, thinking that her daughter when she will grow up will have breasts like that etc. But these are just my immoral thoughts. I am troubled by the above ruling, as I am very unsure and not certain that maybe my hand touched her hand or her hand touched mine, and I had an erection, and whether her daughter now is Haram on me forever. She is my auntie and I am her nephew and that's it; and I wish to marry her daughter. I may have or not (in the past) touched her with my hand with her hand (when passing food or in any other domestic work etc) and that I may have experienced an erection! I am unsure and believe it may be whispers from the devil? Should I marry her daughter or not?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The Muslim is ordered to lower his gaze from looking at what is forbidden. Allah Says (what means): {Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things).} [Quran 24:30]
The Prophet also says: “The Zina of the eyes is (unlawful) looking, the Zina of the ears is (unlawful) listening, the Zina of the tongue is (unlawful) speech, the Zina of the hand is (unlawful) gripping, the Zina of the leg is walking (to places where a person intends to commit immorality), the heart yearns and desires, and the (person through his) private parts may or may not put that (desire) to effect.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
So, the Muslim should keep all these organs from committing what is forbidden as to avoid being punished on The Day of Judgement.
The ruling of marriage to a woman whose mother one has touched with desire is in the following verse:
Allah Says (what means):{Prohibited to you [for marriage] are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your [milk] mothers who nursed you, your sisters through nursing, your wives' mothers, and your step-daughters under your guardianship [born] of your wives unto whom you have gone in. But if you have not gone in unto them, there is no sin upon you. And [also prohibited are] the wives of your sons who are from your [own] loins, and that you take [in marriage] two sisters simultaneously, except for what has already occurred. Indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.} [Quran 4:23]
So, it is forbidden for the man to marry the daughter of a woman with whom he has stayed in seclusion and has had some intimate relations.
The Muslim scholars differ about the extent of the intimate relations that cause the prohibition of marrying that woman's daughter.
Is touching the woman (the mother) with pleasure enough to cause the prohibition regarding her daughter or does this relation have to include sexual activity?
Scholars stipulate that the degree of intimacy is not important unless this man and the mother had entered a legal contract to marry. The circumstances you mentioned do not make this girl forbidden to you in marriage. So you can marry this girl. But we advise you to repent from all sins you committed and avoid all forbidden acts.
We also inform you that your intended wife's mother is a Mahram (unmarriageable) to you because she is your aunt.
Therefore, you can shake her hand and stay in seclusion with her as long as you do not feel tempted. But if you feel inclined towards her, it becomes forbidden to you to shake her hand or look at her even after marriage to her daughter.
Allah knows best.