Patience Among Spouses
4-12-2002 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am considering divorcing my husband. We haven't been married long, I care for him, but I think I am being used. We met though his son-in-law, he lived in Pakistan and I in USA. He didn't tell me that he had no intention of going back to Pakistan, until after the Nikah. Then he informed me that I would be asked to "get" his 4 grown children over here. I found a wedding band while unpacking his clothes that matched the tan line and indentation on his wedding finger, this from a man who clams to have divorced his wife 5 years ago. The only proof of that divorce is a typed statement dated one month before our Nikah. After 5 months of marriage, we have not yet had sex. He refuses to eat any thing but Pakistani food. We have been invited to other Muslim's homes but he refuses to go because he has a 'commitment' to the imam of the local mosque, who doesn't approve of women in the mosque. The commitment seems to be hanging out and eating. He has no job, no income; I am the sole support of the household. Convince me that its just me or what am I missing?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
It is unlawful to state as a precondition (in the marriage contract) that a man should divorce his wife before you accept him as your husband. The evidence for this is the Hadeeth reported by Al-Bukhari that the Prophet said: “No woman should ask for the divorce of her sister [i.e. other Muslim wife of her husband] so as to take her place, but she should marry the man (without compelling him to divorce his other wife), for she will have nothing but what Allah has written for her.”
Similarly, it is unlawful for the husband to tell lies to his wife or to anyone else. He should not say something that contradicts the reality as doing so is a form of cheating and deceiving people which are forbidden in the Sharee’ah. In fact, both spouses should respect each other; fulfill each other's rights according to the marriage contract that imposes duties on both spouses. Allah Says (what means): {O you who have believed, fulfill [all] contracts.} [Quran 5:1]
One of the most important requirements of marriage is the fact that the woman lets her husband enjoy her and that the husband spends on his wife. Both spouses should also be good towards each other in speech and deeds. So, if one of them falls short of fulfilling the partner's rights, then he/she commits a sin. So, he/she should repent to Allah as soon as possible because death can be sudden and then repentance will no longer be possible.
On the other hand, we advise this wife to deal kindly with her husband and be patient with him. She should exhort him. If that does not have any effect, she may seek the help of some pious people who should try to solve the differences and come to a solution that is accepted by both spouses.
Allah Says (what means): {…after that, either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness…} [Quran 2: 229]
Know, dear sister, that you are not a loser as long as your aim is pleasing Allah. In fact, the loser is the person who abuses of his religion no matter how wealthy he is and how comfortable he may seem to be in this life. We ask Allah to help you persevere on that which pleases Him.
Allah knows best.