Family Problems with Mother
3-2-2003 | IslamWeb
Question:
I belong to a Muslim family where Islam is taken for granted because of their being born Muslims. My problem is my mother is wrong many times in dealing with us, with relatives, or with anyone. When anyone in the family including my father tries to tell her she is wrong she never accepts it. she starts shouting that we always blame her, etc. We always try to correct her with love and affection, but she persists and never listens to anyone. I have suffered many times in front of my relatives and friends, in fact we all are suffering recently she aggravated my brother into sending his wife back to her parent's home, which I strongly condemned. As a result she started shouting at me that I should shut my mouth. I think I have started hating her, most of the time it becomes almost impossible for me to talk to her or care for her. I am really confused and feel that should go a hostel and leave this place. Please I really need a helpful solution for this. My mother is a dominating figure at home, even more than my father. I am looking forward to your advise.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Allah Says (what means): {And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.} [Quran 31:14-15]
Allah, the Exalted, has ordered children to treat their parents amicably although they order their children to worship other than Allah. This means that a Muslim has to treat them amicably, in a goodly manner and with kindness since they are Muslims.
The Prophet said: "May his nose be rubbed in dust, may his nose be rubbed in dust, may his nose be rubbed in dust; i.e. may be humiliated, who finds his parents, one or both, approaching old age, but does not enter Paradise, (by being kind and dutiful to them)." [Muslim]
Besides, Abu Hurayrah 
narrated that a man came to the Prophet and asked him: “Who deserves my good company more?”, and he [the Prophet] replied: “Your mother.” The man asked: “Then who?” The Prophet said: “Your mother.” The man asked again: “Then who?” The Prophet again replied: “Your mother.” The man asked again: “Then who?” Thereupon, the Prophet said: “Then your father.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Therefore, we advise you to be patient with your mother, since this patience and good treatment will lead you to Paradise.
Moreover, the Prophet said: "I slept and I dreamt that I was in Paradise, and I heard the voice of someone reciting the Quran. I said: ‘Who is this?’ They said: ‘This is Haarithah ibn an-Nu‘maan.’” And the Prophet said: “Such is kindness to parents, such is kindness to parents.” And he was the one who honored his mother the most among the people.” [Ahmad]
So, you have to be patient with your mother even when she hurts you. This patience and dutifulness to her will lead you to earn her love and consent, and you will avoid making her angry.
Allah Says (what means): {And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.} [Quran 41:34]
For more benefit on obedience to parents, please refer to Fataawa 388975, 97282, and 339592.
Allah knows best.