Dowry System in India
24-5-2003 | IslamWeb
Question:
In India dowry system is prevalent among Muslims. Formally, Mahr is fixed. Before fixing the marriage, the bridegroom's side demands certain amount of cash and other household articles etc. from Bride's parents for making marriage. So far I haven't seen any marriage where bridegroom has not taken any thing from bride's parents. My question is: (1) Is it permissible for bridegroom to demand cash and other articles for making marriage? (2) If the bride's parents are offering cash and other articles willingly, can he accept it? This type of dowry system prevailed because here the bride's parents don't give any property to their daughters after distributing their properties among their children. (3) In Walimah, is it necessary to invite all friends and relatives residing far and near and making the feast with huge expenses. (4) Is it permissible to invite only select friends and relatives for the Walimah in order to avoid huge expenses. Generally people make huge expenses for the Walimah feast. (5) It has become tradition over here that after performing Nikah, the bride's side hold a feast on the same night and again on the next day the bridegroom side hold Walimah feast? Is it correct? (6) Is it permissible to hold Walimah feast by taking some money from bride's parents or bearing expenses by mutual agreement?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Before answering these questions, let us make the following issue clear to everybody. Allah has put the responsibility and guardianship of the home on the husband. So, he is the one who must spend on the family and the one who pays the expenses. Allah Says (what means): {Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard.} [Quran 4: 34]
The right customs as well as the Sharee’ah rulings establish that the dowry (bridal money) should be paid by the man and that no woman is supposed to pay anything for that purpose. The woman is naturally weak and cannot bear the expenses of life. She usually faces more hardship in collecting money than the man. So the costs of her expenditure are the responsibility of the man who should spend on her as a daughter, a wife and a mother.
The tradition mentioned in the question –although we cannot say that it is unlawful –consists of many disadvantages:
1) Men would compete to marry the rich girls leaving the poor ones without marriage or forcing them and their guardians to bear what is beyond their ability.
2) Preventing the woman from the legal inheritance claiming that this is a compensation for what was spent on her wedding.
3) Such a tradition might lead some women to resort to committing Zina either to satisfy themselves or to collect money for their marriage.
So, all righteous and rational people should endeavor to eradicate this tradition and explain to people its disadvantages and give a good example in such a very important issue.
As for the Sharee’ah rulings about the issues raised in the question, then we say the following:
- There is no harm for the man who wants to marry or for his family to set some conditions on the woman to be married or on her parents whereby the latter will participate willingly in the marriage by providing some furniture items or giving some money. But this should be done after naming the dowry (bridal money) and agreeing on it. The Maaliki and Hanafi Schools went further by imposing on the bride to provide the equipment known in the area from her bridal money. They give details concerning this matter. The Shaafi’i and Hanafi Schools do not impose any equipment on the women. By equipment we mean what the woman takes to her husband's house: (clothes, carpets, pillows, etc.).
- So, there is no harm for the husband or his family to accept such things that the wife presents to them. But we emphasize here that it is prohibited to prevent the woman from inheriting as a substitute for what was given to her during her wedding. In fact, this is consuming people’s rights without their consent. If such a thing becomes a system whereby people oblige other people to give them that which does not normally belong to them, then this might lead to apostasy as it means rejecting the system of Allah and establishing a man-made one instead of it.
- It is not necessary to invite all the friends and relatives to the wedding ceremony as doing so might lead to unnecessary expenditures contrary to the Sharee’ah.
- But, it is desirable to invite some relatives and friends even if that leads to omitting others in order to minimize the expenditures.
- There is no objection if the bride's family prepares dinner at the time of the marriage contract and the following day the bridegroom's family prepares the wedding banquet (Waleemah). This depends on the traditions in each area.
- Similarly the Waleemah expenses can be shared between the two families (bride’s and bridegroom's) if there is agreement on it.
Allah Knows best.