Never committed major sins and has hard times in his life
7-6-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
I had a dream in which I saw myself weeping because the day of judgment started and I saw myself praying fast in order to catch up in my prayers that I missed long time ago and asking Allah to postpone the Day of judgment. Do you think that this was a sign for me to start praying?
I would also like to seek your advice about the following matters: I backbite and have hatred towards people especially Muslims who disagree with me. (I really want to get rid those two things.)
Also how do you advise me on the following matter: Praise to Allah, I never committed zina, never drank alcohol, also I never mix with girls nor talk to them or committed any major sins while living in the USA or anywhere for that matter. However, I sometimes feel that girls are not attracted to me and sometimes I want to be involved in a relationship is there anyway to curb these thoughts or feelings.
And although I never committed zina,and other major sins I feel like Allah is punishing me by inflicting on me hard times in my life while other people who do commit zina and drink and do other major sins are have a good time and everything seems easy on them. Example: they have money; they are doing well in college and etc.
Your advice on these issues will help greatly.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
It is a great sin not to establish the prayers as that can take the person out of the fold of Islam.
Imam Muslim reported a Hadith: "What distinguishes between a man and Kufr is not establishing the prayers."
The Prophet, sallaAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, also said: "The pact which is between ourselves and the non-believers is Salat, whoever gives it up is Kafir." [Reported by Ashab al-Sunan from the Hadith narrated by Buraidah]
The companions of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not consider any act which if given up takes a person out of the fold of Islam other than failure to perform the prayers.
If you mean by your statement "do I have to start praying" that you still do not pray, then you have to repent to Allaah and start praying. And if you mean that you want to start making up the prayers that you missed, then you have to do so, as that is one of the necessary obligations.
Therefore, you have to hurry to do so. You have to endeavour to make up for all the prayers that you had missed, either during the day or night. You have to make up for these missed prayers by offering them without shortening them whether you were traveling or not, whether on Friday or any other day when you missed them. You make up for missed Jumu'a prayers by praying them as Zuhr prayers.
We advise you to repent to Allaah from backbiting and slandering people as these are the most obnoxious sins which are strongly forbidden, as they are considered transgressing what Allaah has forbidden and violating people's honour and dignity.
Allaah Says (interpretation of meaning): {….neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful.}[49:12].
Allaah also Says (interpretation of meaning) regarding condemning slandering: {And obey not everyone who swears much, and is considered worthless, A slanderer, going about with calumnies,}[68:10-11].
Repentance is required for every sin. If a person repents, then Allaah accepts his repentance and forgives his sins, if the conditions of repentance are met.
The conditions of repentance are:-
1. To give up the disobedient act.
2. To regret having done this disobedience.
3. To be determined not to commit or return to this disobedience again for the rest of one's life.
4. If the sin is committed against another human being, then one has to give back the right of that person and seek his/her forgiveness, if possible. However, if seeking forgiveness from the other person leads to more hatred and unhappiness, then in this case one has to seek forgiveness, in general, from his brother without specifying to him that he has backbitten or slandered, as to avoid causing rancor or a greater harm.
Some of the people of knowledge stated that one should say good about the person he/she backbit or slandered in places or gatherings where he had backbitten him, as well as asking Allaah to forgive that person.
With regard to the cure of this disease there are two methods: there is a general method and a detailed method.
Al-Ghazali said: ‘First the person has to remember the obscenity of this disobedience, and remember what Allaah described those who do it to be like. He described them as the eaters of the flesh of humans, and so they subject their rewards to be taken away from them by backbiting others’.
On the Day of Judgement, the rewards of the backbiters will be taken away from them and given to the people they backbit. If a person believes in the Ahadith which were reported about backbiting (and the punishment that would result Hereafter), then he/she would not utter a word of backbiting out of the fear of being punished.
The method of treating backbiting is detailed as follows:
First, one has to look to his situation, then he has to find out what causes it, and eradicate the cause. The cure or treatment of any sickness is to eradicate what causes it.
If someone has committed this sin, he has to return to Allaah and repent to Him. First, he has to start by seeking forgiveness from the people he backbit.
It is reported in a Hadith that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “If someone has wronged a person with regard to his dignity, or honour, he has to seek forgiveness today before The Day where there would be no Dinar nor Dirham. On that Day, if a person has good deeds, then they will be taken from him according to the extent of wrong he did to another person, and if he has no good deeds, then the bad deeds of the person he wronged will be taken off him and transmitted to the wrongdoer.” This Hadith is reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim and narrated by Abu Hurayrah.
We ask Allaah to make you steadfast on His religion and protect you from committing these sins which are widespread in that country.
As regards your feeling to establish a relationship with a specific woman, then the way to curb these feelings is to fear Allaah.
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, described the successful cure for the man's desire and said: "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." [Al- Bukhari]
Therefore, the way to protect the private parts from illegal sexual intercourse is by getting married. If a person is not able to get married, then he has to fast much in order to weaken his desires.
You have to perform many supererogatory acts like prayers and other good deeds, and to remember Allaah much. You have to lower your gaze and stay away from sexual attractions. You are saying that "despite the fact that you have not committed major sins, you feel that Allaah is testing you in everything, in a time your friends are enjoying whatever they wish though they are disobedient.” You have to know that this life is a place of affliction and testing. This life is the Paradise of disbelievers and the prison of believers.
Therefore we advise you to do the following:
Firstly, be patient when afflicted or tested. Allaah tests a person to see to what extent he is patient. Sometimes a person is afflicted with a misfortune that happens to him, or by missing a beloved person. In both cases, he has to be patient, as Allaah is with the people who are patient: meaning loving, helping and supporting them.
We ask Allaah to bless us with patience. The Prophet said: “No one is given something more beneficial for him than patience.”
Secondly, you have to know that the whole of this world with whatever pleasures and good things it contains is not equal to even one moment of the Hereafter. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "A man from the people of fire who was enjoying the best pleasures of this world will be brought and dipped once in Hell, and Allaah will Tell him: “O, My slave, did you ever enjoy yourself in the worldly life?” This person would respond: ‘No, I never enjoyed any pleasure.” Then a man of the people of Paradise who was the most miserable of this world will be brought and dipped into Paradise once, then Allaah will Ask him, "O, My slave, did you ever experience any misfortune in this worldly life?" The person would reply: ‘No, I never experienced any unhappiness at all’. [Muslim]
You have to remember these moments and be careful not to be deceived by Satan; and fear disobeying Allaah. You never know, death can come soon. If a person is pious, then all the worries and ailments of this world are finished, and he will be eternally in the pleasures of the Hereafter. We ask Allaah to admit us all to Paradise.
Thirdly, you have to spend your time in what benefits you in this world and in the Hereafter, so that you will not be subjected to the whispers of your desires and to the whispers of Satan.
A poet said: ‘Youth, free time and wealth damage the person enormously’.
This is our advice to you, and we ask Allaah to make us and you firm on His religion, fulfill our affairs and rectify our worldly matters and those of the Hereafter.
Allaah Knows best.