How to deal with a disobedient husband
18-7-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
I got married five months ago and I really love my husband a lot. On my part it is pure and unconditional. I don't spend his money on myself and I don't buy myself anything as he says some women are only nice to their husbands for their money. That is the only reason I don't spend his money on myself. But as we don't live in a Muslim country and my husband's friends are all playboys, I feel very insecure. Recently, he has started talking about other women; he says men beat up their wives which is very bad, but if a man sleeps with another woman just as a one night stand it is not that bad. It is just like masturbation in his opinion, which is Haram in my opinion. After he said that to me I really started crying, then he said it is only his opinion and he has never done anything like that. He has not done but his talking like this make me doubt and I can't concentrate on my studies as I have a big exam. I really love him, even if he doesn't spend on me, it is just so pure. Before getting married I did Istikharah which was very good, I mean I had a nice dream and I felt at peace. I just don't want him to do anything wrong. Most probably, I will go back to Pakistan after 3 months as he has lost his job here. After this he will be alone in USA, I just keep thinking what if starts having sex with other women. I mean even now he takes his previous girlfriends out on dinners. He is a nice guy, very understanding, doesn't say anything to me, and I really thank Allah for him, and I don't want to doubt. I pray a lot and every time I doubt him I get a very nice dream regarding him. What do you think I should do?
Answer:
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
One of the rights of the wives on their husbands is to be provided with food, clothes and shelter (house) within reasonable limits. This is an obligation upon the husband, as the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "Men are obliged to provide for their wives within reasonable limits, with food and clothing." (Reported by Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah and others.)
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) when he was asked: "what is the right of one's wife on her husband? He replied: "Feed her whenever you feed yourself, clothe her whenever you clothe yourself, do not beat her on her face, do not abuse her and do not separate yourself from her except inside the house." Abu Dawud said: "'Do not abuse her' means do not say: 'May Allah disgrace you!' (Reported by Abu Dawud.)
It is not permissible for the husband to avoid his obligation of spending on his wife on the pretext that some women are good to their husbands just for the sake of their money.
As regards keeping bad company, you have to know that bad company is but pure evil. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said about them: "They are like black smith's bellows (or furnace), they would either burn your clothes or you get a bad nasty smell thereof." (Reported by Al Bukhari.)
Therefore, he has to stay away from a bad company, as on the Day of judgment they will be enemies, as Allah says: "Friends on that Day will be foes one to another except Al-Muttaqûn (pious)." (Az-Zukhruf 43:67)
The saying of your husband "if a man spends one night …." This statement is rejected and this is an evidence that he is ignorant about the religion of Allah. Staying overnight with alien woman is forbidden and this paves the way for adultery and fornication. (We seek refuge in Allah from that.) Allah says:" And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fâhishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allâh forgives him)". (Al-Isra 17:32)
In addition to this, the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "Beware of entering the houses of alien woman." (Reported by Al-Bukhari.)
So why he is saying such things? We seek refuge in Allah from this.
What he is doing, like taking girl-friends out for dinner, is forbidden in Islam, as in Islam there is no such relations between a man and a woman outside the bond of marriage. Allah says: "... (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends. (Al-Ma'idah 5:5)
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "A man should not stay in seclusion with a woman except in the presence of one of her male Mahrams (male non-marriageable relative);" reported by Muslim.
Your husband has to fear Allah, and he must know that he will stand before Allah bare foot and naked on the Day of Judgment. Dear sister, you have to remind him about Allah, and His severe torment.
What he is saying and he is doing is disobedience. Without a doubt this requires repentance to Allah. And do not despair, but rather remind him and advise him again and again so that he might take heed and repent to Allah.
Allah knows best.