She has deep lasting problems with brother-in-law's wife
25-11-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
My question is related to family issues.
I got married about 5 years ago with an Arab man and since then I accepted Islaam fully, Al-Hamdu Lillaah. The wife of my husband's brother lives near us and since I got marry with my husband I always have had big problems with her. I am finding difficulty to go to see her and my nieces and nephew because she doesn't allow me to got to her house. For one reason or another I am the only sister around here that she is not invite in her house. We had an issue 4 years ago during Ramadhaan. I invited her and her family (husband and kids) to have Iftaar with us. The days after she told she didn't feel comfortable in my house as well as the husband and her kids. She said because my house is too small her children cannot play and get frustrated and so give her headaches. Since then very rarely I invited because of this reason, I didn't want her to have hard time. So she started say to the husband that I never invite her and the kids and I am not nice. The husband said to my husband (they are brothers) we ended up having problems again and again and the two husbands (brothers) fought so many times since then. I feel hurt, upset, very very sad, lonely and I have lost self-confidence. What should I do? What's the best course of action I should take? I always pray to Allah to give me Sabr as well as love for this woman. But really I don't like her and nobody in our very big family does (mother-in-law, 6 sisters in-law, 5 brothers in-law all included!). We all in one way or another had problems with her. What should I do? I feel frustrated and feeling that my husband should have a good relation with his brother and feel that the children because related should be play together and get to know each other. I have tried even lately to go and see her, but she doesn't reply my text messages, my emails, my phone calls, my letters and my husband is furious but tries to keep calm and have Sabr for Allaah's sake. Please help I don't want to sin and want to know what to do.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Islam urged the Muslims to keep good relationships and friendship between them. Allaah says (what means): {The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear Allaah that you may receive mercy.} [Quran 49:10]
Moreover, the Prophet said: "The believers in their natural kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body, when one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever." [Muslim]
For this, Islam has legislated many matters like spreading Salaam, visiting the sick, exchanging gifts and so on.
On the contrary, Islam forbade cutting relations with another Muslim without a sound valid reason. The Prophet said: "The doors of Paradise open on Mondays and Thursdays; every servant that does not associate anything to Allaah will be forgiven, except a man who has enmity and disputes with his Muslim brother, and Allaah says: "Delay them until they reconcile, delay them until they reconcile." [Muslim]
If they are related, then the matter is of great importance and more serious. You should know that life is scarcely free from problems so a person has to be reasonable and wise when they occur. Indeed you did well by being keen on keeping good relations with that woman, and this is the behavior of a believer.
So we advise you to reconcile between yourselves, and each party has to renounce some of their rights, acting according to the saying of the Prophet : "The best of them is the one who starts saying Salaam." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
First, you have to seek the help of Allaah and then the help of relatives or whoever you think might reconcile between yourselves and remind them about some of the statements that we have previously stated, lest this dispute would lead to unpleasant consequences for the children and lead them to cut relations between themselves.
May Allaah rectify the matter between yourselves. So if this is achieved, then all perfect Praise be to Allaah, otherwise you would have at least done your duty and you are no longer held accountable in this matter, Allaah willing.
Allaah Knows best.