Unable to resolve marital conflicts
29-12-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am facing a huge communication problem with my wife and I want to save our marriage and save our kids from a possible divorce. Here is the problem as I see it:
She is facing difficulties raising our kids and taking care of everything, home and kids and studies of those kids, and me. So she tends to be always upset and screams and denigrates whatever I do, I do my best to help at home and with the kids and try every possible trick or way to help her but she blames me for never helping, it seems like she is upset with the whole life of couple and kids but, it is not my fault that is life! I have a good job and we live in a nice country and have great kids that are suffering our fights, how can I communicate with her? I tried talking calmly, I tried taking her out both of us to restaurants and talk, I tried to have her talk to me about how to resolve this but she is very closed on herself, I am pretending that things are fine all the time for my children's sake, but how long? And what is the solution? We have everything to be happy, except her will to do so. Please advise me of how to resolve this problem I owe this to my kids.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
One of the most important objectives of Islam in legislating marriage is in order to achieve the stability of marital life, friendliness and tranquillity. Therefore, it is an obligation on each spouse to have good marital relationships towards the other. Allaah says (which means): {… And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree of responsibility over them.}[2:228]. So each spouse has to do his/her best to achieve family harmony. We advise you to remain patient with your wife and try to reach an agreement with her and remind her that marital conflict can have a bad influence on your children. You also need to remind her that the hardship she is facing at the moment would soon be over when the children grow up and she will gain the fruit of her hard work in this life and in the Hereafter. We also advise you to help her in bringing up the children and in organizing housework. This was what the Prophet 
used to do in his household. 'Aa'ishah 
said about the Prophet : "He used to help his wives and when the prayer time came, he would go out for the prayer." You have to supplicate Allaah as much as possible to rectify her affairs; you might succeed in doing so.
If she does not take heed and insists on her behaviour then you may follow the steps in dealing with a disobedient wife. This is clarified in Fatwa: 83324.
As for your living in a non-Muslim country, please refer to Fatwa: 81642.
Allaah knows best.