His parents are experiencing major difficulties in their marriage
23-3-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
My mother and father are having a conflict now and it is negatively affecting the entire family. My parents are both Arab and had a fairytale relationship for 30 years until this year. We moved to a Muslim country from the US to start a new life. My mom hated it from the beginning and became very depressed. My father is a university professor for the past 20 years and recently, my mom started getting jealous from girls in the university. She also started to get suspicious of my father, reading his emails from students and telling him to lower his gaze in public. Even innocent emails that had "Dear Sir" in the heading, she said that means there is something wrong in the relationship. Now the problem is my father asked for a teaching assistant at the university and the one they assigned was a girl. My mom had jealousy issues with this from a long time ago and they had a big argument over this before and resolved it. This time, with my mother's depression and jealousy problems, my father did not tell her he had a teaching assistant, and when she asked him if he did, he denied it for the sake of her health and their relationship. He also told the administration that he wanted a male teaching assistant but they said that is all they have. My mother found out that he had a girl as a teaching assistant and now the marriage is in severe conflict. She said that husbands should not lie to their wives especially if there was a problem like this before and that she does not trust him. My mom now lives with me for the time being and I am trying to make peace between my parents. Both are religious Muslims, but my mother is very sensitive because of the depression and also very hard to convince once she has set her mind to something. My father is doing all that he can to come closer to her and she pushes him away. My mother after this incident is now wearing Niqaab and became ultra religious which I have seen become a bad problem with other marriages in the US. It is very sad because they used to have the most loving relationship you can imagine and now they are not speaking. My mother actually goes so far as to wear Hijaab from him and not sleep in the same room. Please advise as soon as possible, our family is at stake.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First, we ask Allaah to make a way out to your difficulties and reconcile your parents.
The stability of marital life is one of the most important objectives of Islam in legislating marriage so one has to endeavour in order to achieve this objective with all possible and permissible means. One of these means is spreading the spirit of understanding between the spouses, and that they should not suspect each other.
Therefore we advise you to strive in order to reconcile your parents. You have to be wise in doing so while seeking Allaah's help then the help of your trustworthy righteous relatives. Besides, you have to advise your mother in a good and soft manner.
Finally the following important matters should be noted:
Your mother should not be suspicious of her husband. In principle a Muslim is innocent until he is proven guilty. Moreover, suspicion leads her to spy on him and therefore destroy herself in sorrow because of that.
Her separation in bed from her husband and wearing Hijab in front of him is forbidden and she is considered disobedient to him; so this requires repentance.
When her husband lied to her, it was for an acceptable reason which was in order to keep good marital relationship with her, and this kind of lying is acceptable in religion. Imaam Muslim
reported that Um Kalthoom Bint 'Uqbah 
said: "I have not heard the Prophet 
permitting telling lies in anything except in three situations: war, reconciling between people, and the talking of the husband to his wife and of the wife to her husband."
Similarly, your father should be reminded about the danger of mixing with women, and that it is not permissible for him to correspond with girls except in case of need while observing good morals. Moreover, he has to endeavour to find work elsewhere. He should also be reminded that Allaah has put the protection and maintenance of the wife in the hand of the husband. So failing to observe this could lead to family break up.
Lastly, Allaah has clarified how to treat a disobedient wife and this is explained in Fatwa: 83324. We hope that the above advice and guidelines are beneficial and lead to reconciliation.
Allaah knows best.