Wants to strike her husband in self defense
13-4-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
My question is about the behaviour of my husband. He has been very violent and mean with me lately and my question is what does the Qur'an say about treatment of the husband with hands? Can I return and strike my husband, not with force to break bone or to bruise, but to teach that I will not be hit? Can I strike my husband?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
In Islam it is forbidden for the husband to wrong and be unjust to his wife and vice-versa. On one hand it is not permissible for the husband to beat his wife without a sound religious reason and without observing the Islamic requirements when hitting, as this is violating her right which is confirmed in Islam, that the husband should live with her honourably. Allaah says (which means): {And live with them honourably.}[Qur'an 4:19].
One the other hand, it is not permissible for the wife to hit her husband as this is contrary to his being her protector and in charge of her affairs. Allaah says (which means): {Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.}[Qur'an 4: 34].
Moreover, the Prophet 
said: "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to someone else other than Allaah, I would have ordered the wife to prostrate to her husband." [At-Tirmithi]
If we suppose that a husband hits his wife unlawfully, like beating her severely and she is forced to defend herself, then it is permissible for her to do so. Allaah says (which means): {Then whoever transgresses the prohibition against you, you transgress likewise against him.}[Qur'an 2:194].
Lastly, the following matters should be noted:
1) It is permissible in Islam for the husband to hit his wife when she is disobedient to him if advising her and separating from her in bed is of no avail, provided that this beating leaves no scars or marks, and is not on her face.
2) Marital life is a heavy contract, and a contract should be respected and honoured, so it should not be spoilt with this such disputes between the spouses which amount to aggression and injustice.
Allaah knows best.