Cutting off relation with an atheist and cruel mother
27-11-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
I'm 25 years old married and have two kids. My problem is that I came up in a very abusive childhood. I was both physical and verbally abused by my mother. I don't want to get into details but, I have mental issues from what she did to me. I broke the ties with my mother around 9 years ago, and what made me really break the ties with her is when I was 18 years old and pregnant with my first child, she cursed me and said that my child was going to come out f--k up and retorted so out of anger we got into it, and by the grace of God the fight was broken up. 5 months after that incident my child came out with a physical and a mental birth defect. I feel that she put the evil eye on my child and I just can't get over that, or the fact that she took my childhood away. I have several reasons for breaking ties with her, and those were some of the reasons. My main reason is that she is an atheist and an alcoholic. For years I grew up hearing her say that there is no such thing as a God, and if there is then he's cruel. When other religions were mentioned I would always hear her say that they're brainwashed or in a cult. I know that you have to obey Allaah, so is it a great sin upon me that I have no relations with her given that the way that she is. Please tell me what's right and what's wrong because my heart is telling me not to deal with her, but Allaah says not to break the ties. So I just want to know if I'm in sin for doing that. Thank you for your time in reading this, because I really need some answers.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
If your mother is an atheist and does not believe in Allaah, the Only True God, then there is no doubt that she is a non-Muslim and she should be treated as a non-Muslim, but you are obliged to be kind and dutiful to her in what is permissible. Allaah urged us to be kind and dutiful to our parents even if they are non-Muslims, especially the mother. Allaah Says (which means): {And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.}[Quran 31:14]. So you are obliged to be kind and dutiful to your mother and you are not permitted to cut relations with her under any circumstances. The fact that she has mistreated you and abused you does not make it permissible for you to cut relations with her. Therefore, we advise you to keep good relations with her and be kind to her, and endeavour to forget what she has done to you. If you are really sincere in doing so, Allaah will enable you in your endeavour. Nonetheless, you should be careful not be influenced by her in your belief, and you should never obey her in things which bring the wrath of Allaah.
You have to know that among the best acts of kindness to her is to be keen to guide her to Islam by supplicating Allaah as much as possible to guide her to the truth and to accept her repentance. You should choose the best and appropriate times in advising her and admonishing her. There is no harm in seeking the help of righteous and pious people in doing so. It is confirmed that the Prophet 
said: "I swear by Allaah! If Allaah guides one single man (to Islam) by your efforts, that will be better for you than possessing an abundant number of red camels (a very expensive breed of camels)." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
For more details please refer to Fatwa 90264.
Allaah Knows best.