Her 15 year old daughter wants to wear make up and abandon Hijab
26-1-2006 | IslamWeb
Question:
I have a question about my 15 year old daughter proper Islamic appearance! Al-Hamdulillah, she is attending an Islamic high-school (USA) where she wears the mandated Islamic school uniform, which prohibits make-up, jewelry, perfume, etc. This is very good! She is generally a good, respectful daughter with great school results and Quran studies. However lately I have had fights with her, because she wants now to start wear in her free time, make-up, nail polish, a few rings, and perfumes! And I cannot agree with her, I am her mother and I do not wear myself any of those things! Recently I found nail polish and lipstick on my daughter, and I had to take them away, and strictly prohibit her to use any of them...But she doesn't want to listen to me, and I think she is doing these things behind my back, now...I am tired of so much fighting! Also I have problems with her because of her Hijaab. She wears Hijaab since she was 10, but lately she started wearing very short Hijaab, which do not cover long enough, so I am buying her now only more conservative long Khimars, wrist-length!
I am trying as a parent to make my daughter look and act more modest, and not wear make-up, jewelry, and perfume. She is a school-aged Muslim girl, she does not need that! Am I doing the correct thing to prohibit her?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First of all, may Allaah reward you for the concern that you have for your daughter and for being keen on bringing her up according to Islamic values and principles.
There is no doubt that your daughter at this age needs more care and attention. First, you should ask Allaah to enable you to do this, so you should invoke him earnestly. It should be noted that an educator who teaches a person at the same age like your daughter, should avoid blaming and scolding so that he would have an effect on his/her heart. Along with advising him/her, the educator should show his mercy and affection to the person he is advising. Hence, this is the stance that you should take when dealing with your daughter. Furthermore, you may advise her indirectly by seeking the help of the pious girls who are at her age so that they would convey to her your directives without her realizing that they originated from you or that you had a role in them.
As regards Hijab, when a girl reaches the age of puberty, she is obliged to wear Hijab. A girl reaches puberty either by having menses, having a wet dream, becoming pregnant, having pubic hair, or reaching fifteen years of age according to the view of the majority of the scholars
. So, when a girl reaches puberty, it is not permissible for her to neglect Hijab, and you should not tolerate this matter with her. Similarly, you should not tolerate her using make up when going out or in the presence of marriageable men, because if you tolerate this matter, it could lead to unpleasant consequences in the future. Nonetheless, if she is using make up at home, there is no harm in this and you should not prevent her from doing so, as long as she is not using harmful or impure products (which were not completely transformed to another substance), or nail polish which prevents water from reaching the nails and so forth.
Finally, it should be noted that the environment plays a big role in the cultivation of children. In the environment where you live, there are too many reasons of temptation and affliction, among which is that a parent is unable to control his children, and there are many harms and disadvantages in this. Therefore, we advise you to migrate and reside in a Muslim country if there is no necessity for you to continue residing in a non-Muslim country.
Allaah Knows best.