Lost love for her handicapped husband who depends on her physically
5-4-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
Salaam alikum, I would like to ask this question but am afraid. This question is the opening of a new door. Well I have been a Muslim for about 5 years alhimduliallah however, my husband and I were together before we got married. My question is long because of my circumstances , you see my husband is handicap he has not always been that way but has been handicap all through are marriage. Nevertheless, things have gotten so bad in our relationship the either party respect each other not even in front of our two children. I hate his mother but understand that she is his mother so I never let him know how I feel. However I had an exorcism done last year cause I could not be around her. I had the sheik for our masjid come in he did some ritual and gave us some specific instructions, moreover, we have then went back to the masjid to get further help but really am tried I fell dead inside I want to be a good Muslim and I want to be with my husband in paradise but not here not know……. I am sorry this situation is destroying me I go to therapy I take medication but nothing help I have lost faith in everything. I cant stay marriage to him just because he needs me physically I did not make him handicap. Anyways sorry for dragging this my question is : should I get a divorce knowing that my husband need me physically; ig: washing his cloths, dressing him, getting him to his appointments…. Or should I leave because I don’t love him anymore hate living around his mother I hate the place am in now… Please I need help I want to know if I should leave because I have know place to go if I get a divorce he is my man resource. But am not healthy I have began cutting myself to relive pain…. Inshallah Allah blesses you for listen to me salaam.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we thank and praise Allaah Who guided you to Islam and we ask Him to make you firm and steadfast on His Religion until the Day you meet Him.
We advise you to seek beneficial knowledge, perform good deeds and befriend righteous and pious women, as these are the best things that help a Muslim woman remain steadfast on her religion.
As regards your question, if you used to live with your husband before marriage in an illegal relationship, then you are obliged to repent from this if this took place after you had become a Muslim. If that had happened before you became a Muslim, then refer to Fatwa 83259. Furthermore, you should know that a wife is not permitted to ask for divorce without a sound reason. Hating your husband and being harmed by staying with him are in principle a sound reason for you to ask for divorce, but you should not hasten to ask for divorce especially that you have children with him in addition to what you mentioned that you have nowhere to go if divorce takes place.
Therefore, it might be that being patient with your husband with his current condition is better than the benefits that you may achieve by leaving him, taking into consideration the disadvantages that you may face. Besides, you should seek the reward from Allaah for the help and services that you offer to him.
For more benefit on the excellence of patience when being afflicted, please refer to Fatwa 83577.
Moreover, each of you should respect the rights of the other, especially in regard to you towards him. Indeed, a husband has a great right in Islam on his wife. For more benefit on the rights of the spouses towards reach other, please refer to Fataawa 83157 and 85308.
Among the most serious matters between the spouses is to show their disagreements in front of their children, as this has a very negative effect on them, so you should both avoid this.
As regards living with your husband’s mother, you are not obliged to do this; rather, you have the right for a separate accommodation and your husband is obliged to offer this for you according to his ability.
With regard to your statement ‘I lost faith in everything’, it may be understood that this includes the belief in Allaah. Therefore, if you only mean that your faith has weakened, then you should endeavour to strengthen it by the obedience of Allaah and performing good deeds while refraining from acts of disobedience and sins. Eemaan (faith) increases with acts of obedience and decreases with sins. Also, you should seek a good female company who would help you in increasing your faith. However, if by this expression you mean disbelieving in Allaah, then this is a very serious matter and you should repent from this by renewing your faith. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 85275 and 85277.
Concerning your statement ‘I have began cutting myself to relieve pain’, if by this you mean that you attempt to commit suicide, then this is forbidden and it is one of the great major sins, and suicide is not a means for relief, rather, it is a reason for severe punishment; for more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 96097 and 84296.
With regard to being stressed, we advise you to continue performing Ruqyah, reciting the morning and evening mention of Allaah, and consulting the specialist doctors so that they will give you the appropriate treatment.
For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 90626 and 88705.
Allaah Knows best.