Feels that he cannot forgive his wife
13-4-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
My wife cursed my sister and used bad words. I hit her and she abused me too. Now she is repentant with what she did to me and not to my sister, but I am not sure whether she will remain obedient at least from now. Further, I cannot love her as she abused me and the thought of it comes to me often. What should I do?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
There is no doubt that it is forbidden for your wife to curse and insult your sister and mistreat you. The Prophet 
said: "Indeed the believer is not a slanderer nor a cursor nor a vulgar outrageous person." [Ahmad and At-Tirmithi] However, this does not mean that if a wife did this her husband has to separate from her in bed, and forget about her good acts, especially if she repents from what she did. Marital life should be established on tolerance and forgiveness of mistakes that might occur by the spouse. The Prophet said: "A believing man should not hate a believing woman (his wife) since he may hate one of her qualities, but like another." [Muslim] The Prophet also said: "The woman has been created from a rib (the rib is crooked) and she will never continue to be as you desire her to be (i.e. always obedient). If you enjoy her, you will do so while she is still a crooked rib. If you try to straighten it you will break it, and breaking it means divorcing her. So treat women (your wives) kindly." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] Moreover, Allaah says (which means): {And do not forget liberality between yourselves.}[Qur'an 2:237].
Therefore, a husband should forgive his wife, especially if she apologizes and repents, and it is not permissible for him to beat her unless the conditions that are mentioned in Fataawa: 89480 and 85402 are met. Beating her is contradictory to living with her honourably. Allaah says (which means): {And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good.}[Qur'an 4: 19].
Therefore, we advise you, brother, to accept the apologies of your wife and think good of her, and repel the whispers that come to your mind, as they are from the devil. Besides, you should reconcile between her and your sister and encourage your wife to ask your sister for forgiveness, and encourage your sister to forgive her, as in this way good relations may prevail, Inshaa' Allaah.
For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa: 83157 and 88304 about the rights of the spouses.
Allaah knows best.