When the mother goes out to work or to get something for the house, she directs her advice to her daughter, or perhaps even commands her, to prepare the breakfast for her brothers, tidy up the house, and look after the young siblings, in addition to a list of commands. The mother never thinks of directing even a single command to her son. She continues to do so and the boy grows up with this incorrect concept in his mind; that he is not responsible for anything, whether inside or outside the house. Afterwards, the suffering of the mother starts; however, neither advice nor guidance can be of any benefit at this time because it will be too late. This is because whoever grows up on something will continue to have it all his life.
Mothers: We made a mistake from the outset by not accustoming our sons to depend on themselves and help their sisters with the housework.
Wives: Pampering the boy during his childhood makes him grow into a husband who is unable to shoulder the responsibilities of his house and children.
Dr. Nasr Ad-Deen Shihaab says that dividing the upbringing of children into three stages is an educational philosophy, while Dr. ‘Arafah ‘Aamir says that if the children are not brought up to bear responsibility, this will make them unable to deal with the trials and experiences of life.
The result of indulgence
A. A., an employee in a company, complains about her 25-year-old son whom she used to spoil excessively and respond to all his requests. She did not accustom him to depend upon himself until he got used to this treatment and now, as a result, he has no desire to work. Although he was offered suitable opportunities to work, he refused them all. Now she has become old and she needs rest, care and help because she is no longer able to do everything; however, he does not even fetch himself a glass of water. She says that she is extremely regretful that she did not accustom him to work and depend on himself. He also prefers relaxation and laziness to the extent that he does not search for work, despite his high skills and qualifications. He is used to comfort and is not accustomed to enduring hardships. Hence, he is waiting for work that does not have any hardship and does not require any effort. However, where will he find such work?
F.M., a housewife, says: Unfortunately, it is wrong to make the boy accustomed to being obeyed by his sisters, who fulfill all his requests even if they are older than him; and it is also wrong to entrust all the housework to the girl without asking the boy to help her, for that is a great pressure on her. This custom is not found in the countryside because the boy there gets used to hard work from his young age, and depends upon himself so that he grows up as an assistant to his father on the farm or in his profession. Unfortunately, we teach our sons that this is their right and that they should only command while we have to obey. Hence, the husband depends on his wife in all affairs. If she gets tired or needs some rest, everything in the family life changes and there is no one who can do her job. This is a grave mistake in upbringing that we should avoid in the forthcoming generations.
Sheereen Kamaal, a wife who works as a social specialist in a school, says, “Normall, the wife should do the housework and the day-long hardship is enough for the husband. Sometimes, he also works at night to provide for his family. However, because of my work, I need my husband’s help at home sometimes. Unfortunately, he insists that he does not have the time to help me. The husband always feels that his wife is responsible for all the housework even if she is a working woman because he had been accustomed to this in his parents’ house before marriage. He would see his mother and sisters doing all the housework.”
Her mother confirms this saying: From the outset, the mother is responsible for this. My son, Muhammad, used to do some simple tasks like preparing breakfast or dinner because he used to do so from the time he was young. On the other hand, my other son, Ahmad, does not even tidy up his room and throws his belongings all over the house. I admit that this is my fault. Had I accustomed them to help with the housework from their childhood, this would not have happened. They also used to see me and their sisters doing all the housework. Now, their sisters are married, I have become old and need their help. However, they leave everything to me.
A society that prefers males
Shaadiyah Sa‘d, a newly-married housewife, says: The girl is like the boy in everything. Both of them have duties that they should fulfill and rights that they should have. However, in our eastern society, we discriminate between the boy and the girl. The boy, from a young age, dominates his sister and believes that she has to do all the housework and fulfill his requests. We live in a society that prefers males and recognizes them before the females. If we overburden the girl with tasks that she can not do, we are unfair to her. Had the mother distributed the responsibilities between the boy and the girl from their young age, the boy would have grown up depending on himself and able to bear responsibility.
The girl is like the boy: A slogan often raised but not applied - II