After having children and experiencing the suffering of motherhood and its responsibilities, I realized how my mother suffered in raising me and my brothers and sisters. I felt that I could never fulfill her right of being dutiful and thankful to her no matter what I do. Many women repeat this statement verbally or they may repeat it inwardly while they are burned like a candle as they carry out their family responsibilities. They steal a few hours to sleep and move like a bee all day long between the husband's demands and those of the children. They eat standing because they have urgent tasks that do not allow them the luxury of sitting and taking a break. They wake up while all other members of the family are sleeping deeply as they have many duties to do, particularly if they are working women. They do their work during hours that they steal from a day whose blessing has been lost and whose hour is like a second. The race between these rushed hours and the endless responsibilities have become a repeated daily battle.
Whether we admit it or not, we all feel the suffering of our parents when we have children of our own. Then what? This is a bitter question that opens the wounds that were closed by force and that are filled with ingratitude. It also cuts through areas that are filled with undutifulness and using life’s responsibilities as a pretext to justify the crime of failing parents and neglecting them after they have dedicated their life to their children. Those same children grew up, married and became like gears in the machines of their new families. They were physically and spiritually separated from the larger home, which witnessed their years of innocence, dreaming and beautiful family warmth. This same home still opens its door to its beloved who left it. At any moment, it is ready to receive them when they turn to it seeking a break from the conflict of life and hoping to recall these wonderful memories. These memories seem far away as they are surrounded by huge responsibilities.
We appreciate the suffering of our parents; however, only a few turn such appreciation into tangible situations and visible daily attitudes. Many others shake their shoulders disparaging the crime of being undutiful because the devil justifies it for them and they accept and confirm these feeble and ugly justifications. It is an irony that arouses fear about tomorrow because being dutiful is never wasted and the continual incidents of life present us everyday with loads of proof that being undutiful to one's parents is a crime with an immediate punishment in this world, let alone the punishment in the Hereafter. It warns us against drifting away; by the fact of living away from our parents, from seeking the satisfaction of the two compassionate hearts that protected us when we were young and that are still ready to protect us even when we get older and surrounded by more responsibilities. It also warns us against neglecting our duties towards them, using excuses to justify the crime of being undutiful and failing them or to disparage its awfulness so as not to regret at a time when regret would be of no avail.
I know a woman who mistreated her mother during her final sickness and was fed up with serving her. She would withhold food and drink from her so as not to be forced to wash her after she relieved herself on the bed because she could not move. When she was dying, the old mother asked for a cup of water, however, the undutiful daughter refused, and said rudely, "You drink and urinate and I have endless suffering." The mother then died while being thirsty. The daughter, on the other hand, continued with her life and then her daughter grew up. History repeated itself and the mother went through the same miserable experience; she died alone on a worn out bed while her only daughter was in a summer resort with her family. When she was told that her mother was dying, she said with indifference, "What can I do for her? Allah is with her. Returning home will not postpone her death; however, I will miss the enjoyment of my summer vacation and the money that I spent to rent the chalet." This might sound like a strange incident that is not often repeated; however, it actually took place and it was yet another rusty link in the chain of different examples of people being undutiful to their parents. These incidents vary in their degree of bitterness and wickedness.
The old die alone on beds whose dirty sheets were not changed by a dutiful daughter and pillows that were not arranged by a good son so that the tired father or mother could relax. They die after tasting from the cup of undutifulness and close their eyes thinking about the reckless beloved people who hasten after their death to ask them to forgive them.
Our elderly people do not find anyone to relieve them from the sufferings of their old age and they sadly gaze at the corners of a house where the only sound they hear is the sound of their breath after the house had been full of activity and life. On the other hand, each of the children is drowning in a life of trivialities that is valueless in comparison to one moment during which they hear the supplications of pleasure from a mouth whose teeth have fallen out after long years of misery. When I contemplate the verse where Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], ‘uff,’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.} [Quran 17:23] I find myself overcome with tears when I repeat the part of the verse (what means) {[while] with you}, as it has many indications:
- While they are with you, and not in an infirmary or a gloomy house.
- While they are with you at your home and under your care and the protection of your wife or your husband.
- While they are with you, honored and held in high esteem, and not considered to be a heavy burden.
- While they are with you, you will be showered with sincere supplications for protection and health. You will beg for their satisfaction and kiss their hands that often cleaned, cooked, arranged and embraced exhausted heads. You will bow to kiss feet that became tired while seeking sustenance, and walked in order to provide for your needs while you were sleeping quietly.
- While they are with you, your mother should not be hurt by a mean wife nor a husband who gets bored of her and does not ask himself how his children will treat him when he gets old.
- While they are with you and are good spirits that emit light and blessings.
- While they are with you so that the husband and wife will deserve to be treated in the same way by their children when they get old.
Let all the excuses and justifications end! Let all the worries of life and family responsibility be put aside and let only the obligation of dutifulness and lowering to them the wing of humility out of mercy and gratefulness be raised high. Let your home include them no matter how narrow it is and your sustenance no matter how little it might be. We should know that the gate to happiness is dutifulness to those whom Allah The Exalted ordered us to show gratitude to immediately after Him. However, many choose to dry the spring, close the gate and neglect the obligation.