How the Prophet, , Looked After His Children During Their Youth
When the daughter grows up, the parents should teach her the rights of Allah The Almighty, parents, and others. They should also teach her good manners and how to behave in different situations. Daughters should be taught to adhere to Hijab and to keep away from men. She should be taught her duties and obligations on a sound Islamic basis.
Parents should take into consideration that they have to prepare their daughter for her anticipated role as a righteous wife and kind mother who can bring up her children to be righteous individuals and reformers. It is undeniable that the Muslim woman plays a great role in the life of all Muslims. A Muslim woman is considered to be the first school for the righteous society, especially if she abides by the teachings of the Quran in all that she does.
When the girl approaches the age of maturity, she should be trained to do the duties of being a wife and mother that she is meant to be according to the norm set by Allah The Almighty. This responsibility lies on the shoulders of the mother. The Mother of the Believers, Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid, may Allah be pleased with her, hastened to teach her elder daughter, Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her, to help with the housework as soon as she grew up. Her mother trained her to be a mother by giving her the chance to look after her younger sister, Faatimah and play with her when she was at leisure. Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her, was like a mother to her youngest sister.
It is certainly true that an educated, well-mannered girl is an honor to her family, a support to her husband, and a mainstay to her children; her family is proud of her and her children are joyous at having her. Anyone would be happy to have a well-mannered daughter who knows how to manage her household with knowledge and wisdom, and who is a sensible companion and agreeable company.
How the Prophet, , Married off His Daughters
Marriage is one of the norms set by Allah The Almighty for His creation and Islam thus urges us to marry. Allah The Almighty Says (what means):
{And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.} [Quran 30:21]
{And Allah has made for you from yourselves mates and has made for you from your mates sons and grandchildren and has provided for you from the good things. Then in falsehood do they believe and in the favor of Allah they disbelieve?} [Quran 16:72]
Muslim fathers must obey the order of Allah The Almighty and the
Prophet, , by allowing their daughters to marry and not prevent them from doing so for any reason. It is the duty of the father to choose a competent husband for his daughter and to marry her off to him. A competent husband is the one who is religious and well-mannered. The Prophet, , said: “If a man whose religion and manners you accept proposes to you [for your daughter], accept him. If you do not do so, there will be Fitnah [trials] and great corruption.” [At-Tirmithi]
The Prophet, , married his daughters off to the best of men. He married Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her, to Abu Al-‘Aas ibn Ar-Rabee‘ Al-Qurashi, may Allah be pleased with him, who was the son of her maternal aunt, Halah bint Khuwaylid. Abu Al-‘Aas, may Allah be pleased with him, was one of the distinctive men of Makkah who was known for his wealth, honesty and trading acumen.
The Prophet, , praised the affinity of Abu Al-‘Aas and said: “He told me the truth, promised me, and fulfilled his promise.” The Prophet, , here referred to the fact that Abu Al-‘Aas promised him that he would return to Makkah after the Battle of Badr and send to him his daughter Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her; he kept his promise and let his wife part with him, despite his deep love to her.
The story of his conversion to Islam shows his sincerity and generosity. He was on a trade journey to Ash-Shaam (greater Syria). On his way back to Makkah, an expedition of bandits took all that he had, so he went at night to his wife Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her, who was staying in Madeenah and was separated from him because he was still a disbeliever. He sought her protection and she granted him that. Therefore, she went out after the Prophet, , led the people in Fajr prayer, and said, “O people! I am granting protection to Abu Al-‘Aas ibn Ar-Rabee.’” When the Prophet, , made salaam to end the prayer, he went to the people, and said:“O people, did you hear what I heard?” They said, “Yes”. The Prophet, , said: “By Allah, I had not known anything [about this] until I heard what you heard and the protection granted by any Muslim, even of the lowest status, must be respected by all Muslims.”Then he went to his daughter, and said: “O daughter, make his residence comfortable but let him not approach you, for you are not lawful to him.”Then, the Prophet, , told people to return to him what they had taken from him and they returned everything. After that, Abu Al-‘Aas resumed his journey to Makkah and gave all the people there their money. Then he asked them, “O people of Quraysh! Do I owe money to any of you?” They replied, “No. We have found you to be quite honest.” He then said, “I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. By Allah, I wanted to convert to Islam when I was at his place, but I was afraid that they might think that I wanted to seize your wealth. When Allah The Almighty helped me to return it to you, I embraced Islam.”
The Prophet, , had first married him to his daughter Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her, when her mother Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid, may Allah be pleased with her, asked him to do so. The Prophet, , agreed as he knew that she was prudent and that she trusted her nephew and regarded him like her own son.
This teaches us another great lesson, which is to consider the mother’s opinion regarding the marriage of her daughter, because this honors the mother and is an acknowledgement of her right.
The Prophet, married Ruqayyah, may Allah be pleased with her, off to ‘Uthmaan ibn ‘Affaan, may Allah be pleased with him, who was known for his wisdom, asceticism, generosity, and bashfulness. Bashfulness was one of his distinctive characteristics that was deeply rooted in his soul. The Prophet, , praised this quality, saying: “’Uthmaan is a bashful man.” The Prophet, , also said: “Should I not show modesty to the one to whom even the angels show modesty?” [Al-Bukhari]
The Prophet, , used to love ‘Uthmaan, may Allah be pleased with him, dearly. When Ruqayyah, may Allah be pleased with her, died, he married him to her sister Umm Kulthoom, may Allah be pleased with her. When she died, the Prophet, , said: “If I had a third daughter I would have married her to ‘Uthmaan.”
The Prophet, , married Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, to ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, may Allah be pleased with him, who was the paternal cousin of the Prophet, , and the first youth to embrace Islam. ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, was brought up in the Prophet’s household before the advent of Islam and he lived with the Prophet, , until the Prophet, , received revelation.
Ibn Katheer said,
Abu Taalib had many children, so the Prophet, , said to Al-‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, who was one of the richest people in Bani Haashim, “O Al-‘Abbaas! Your brother, Abu Taalib, has many children and you see what has afflicted everyone because of this crisis, so let us take some of his children to support.” Thus, the Prophet, , took ‘Ali with him and he stayed with the Prophet, , until the revelation was sent to him. Then, ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, embraced Islam and believed in the Prophet, .
A daughter is like a trust in her parent’s hands, and one day she will move on to her husband’s house. Islam grants the girl the right of choice in marriage, as it is impermissible for her legal guardian to marry her to someone she dislikes. The Prophet, , said: “A non-virgin shall not be given in marriage except after her order, and a virgin shall not be given in marriage except after her permission."People asked, "O Messenger of Allah! How can she give permission?" He said:“Her silence [indicates her permission].” [Al-Bukhari]
The non-virgin’s explicit order and consent have to be asked before she is given in marriage and the virgin’s permission and consent also have to be asked before she is given in marriage. If the father concludes the marriage contract for his daughter without her consent, this contract is considered null and void: It was narrated that the father of Khansaa’ bint Khidaam Al-Ansaariyyah, who was a non-virgin, concluded her marriage against her will. When she told the Prophet, , about this, he nullified the marriage contract. [Al-Bukhari]
The Prophet, , used to consult his daughters before he married them off. When the Prophet, , married Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, to ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, he told her: “’Ali wants to marry you.”She remained silent, so the Prophet, , married her to him. This incident was narrated by Ibn Sa’d in At-Tabaqaat.
Parents should make sure that their daughters agree to the marriage before concluding the contract. Some parents make a mistake when they say that they know what is good for their daughter better than she does. There is no doubt that the experience of the father is broader than his daughter’s and that he knows men better than she does; however, fathers must not violate the teachings of Islam. A father must not force his daughter to marry someone that she does not like. He has to take her permission before he concludes the contract. This would enhance the girl’s self-esteem when she knows that she has a say in the man to whose house she will move. The consent of both parties makes it more likely that the couple will be happy and live in harmony. Islam permits the suitor to look at the woman that he intends to marry and permits the woman to look at her suitor and her permission has to be asked before concluding the contract. This shows the greatness of our religion.