Feelings of Motherhood
Dr. Al-‘Aarif Billaah Muhammad Hasan, Professor of Psychology at ‘Ain Shams University, says,
In principle, the children’s upbringing depends on the mother because her role in taking care of the child exceeds the material care that is represented in feeding and dressing and providing him with the basic needs. The mother’s role includes communicating the feelings of real motherhood to him through her smile, warm hugs, and breastfeeding as well as caring for him through direct, face-to- face interaction. This relation allows the child to build positive morals in addition to modifying and correcting his wrong behavior so that the basic components of the child's early character form within a correct social context, and this is the best condition. Depending on a non-Muslim maid or baby-sitter who (in some cases) speaks a different language, and adopts different customs and traditions that do not agree with our Islamic societies, contributes to providing the child with irregular and abnormal behavior because he is brought up in accordance with incorrect values and traditions. Even if the maid (or the baby-sitter) is trained in the scientific methods of upbringing, she will not be able to convey the emotional feelings which make the child feel love and security. If there is an urgent need for a maid (or a baby-sitter), she should be a Muslim who adheres to the morals, etiquettes and teachings of Islam. This should also be accompanied by the mother's full supervision on the upbringing of her children. The absence of this role results in creating deviated, abnormal characters. This may also lead to a lack of psychological balance that can never be achieved except by the child’s parents.
Childhood is a Critical Stage
Dr. Manee‘ ‘Abdul-Haleem Mahmood, dean of the Faculty of the Principles of Religion at Al-Azhar University, highlights essential points when he says,
Childhood is one of the most important stages in a person’s life in general and in the Muslim’s life in particular. During this stage, the child by nature and instinct is ready to receive the basic principles of Islam which would accompany him throughout his life. Hence, the child has to be surrounded by all kinds of health and psychological care. The developed countries realize the importance of this stage; hence, they concentrate mainly on the primary stage of schooling. The presence of a maid, especially if she is a non-Muslim, is a time bomb and a cultural invasion into the minds of our children which keeps them away from their principles and morals. If the mother can afford to have a maid and needs someone to help her in the housework, the maid must have nothing to do with the child. Her job should be confined to the housework only. She should also be a Muslim who adheres to the morals, values, and principles of Islam. Moreover, her presence should be fully supervised by the wife at all times. The mother should not be a mere babysitter for her child; rather, she should be a mother in the full meaning of the word who holds her child in her arms, provides him with love and compassion and teaches him virtues and noble morals.
Planting Thorns With Our Own Hands
Dr. Ahmad Rayyaan, professor of Comparative Fiqh at Al-Azhar University, takes us back in history and reminds us that the Arabs used to choose wet nurses for their children from a specific class that had good morals, forbearance and patience. They knew that the child acquires some of the characteristics of the governess during the process of upbringing. A non-Muslim governess does not avoid impurities and may drink alcohol and practice polytheistic rituals which correspond to her creed. Consequently, the child learns her traditions in the outset, and then he acquires her customs, traditions and attitudes during the period in which she lives with him and supervises his upbringing. This means that it is we who plant the thorns; we, with our own hands, implant in our children from their early childhood remoteness from Islam and from good morals. We do this by choosing someone who provides them with incorrect upbringing.
Dr. Rayyaan adds,
It is not sufficient to choose a Muslim governess, for not every Muslim governess can bring up righteous children. Hence, a governess should adhere to the teachings of Islam in her attitude, way of dressing and treatment. A child in his early life is like a piece of dough that takes the shape that the caretaker wants. He is affected by every move, sound and word. Hence, the Prophet, , said: "Every human is born with a sound innate inclination to the Truth (i.e. Islam), and it is his parents who make him a Jew, Christian, or Magian." Therefore, the parents are responsible for choosing a righteous governess who adheres to the teachings of Islam in order to guarantee that generations are produced who are capable of bearing the burdens of leadership in the future, especially in this age in which Islam and Muslims are a permanent target for the plots and conspiracies that are woven to vilify and defame Islam and belittle Muslims.
It is sorrowful to see Muslim families hiring governesses and maids without careful selection or searching for good trustworthy candidates. The Muslim family is required under the Sharee‘ah to monitor the attitude and acts of their children with the maids irrespective of their religion or nationality. They also have to be keen on avoiding the maid's seclusion with either children or adults; this cannot be avoided in cases of baby-sitting while parents are at work and thus parents must make different arrangements for their children. The greatest danger is that children in that early stage of life are ignorant of the teachings of religion, and that is why it is easy to influence them, to shake their creed, to inculcate in them anti-Islamic values and principles and to teach them false values and rituals.
The danger is imminent. What are we waiting for?