"The surrendered wife" is the latest social fad which Laura Doyle, an American writer, calls to in her book bearing the same name. This book was recently published in the United States. Every word in this "educational" book calls for liberating men and placing restrictions on women. Furthermore, it urges women to return to the age of washing men's feet, staying up at night for their convenience, not arousing their anger, and doing everything that renders men nice creatures because when a man is nice, he is more "sympathetic" than women and has more "delicate" emotions.
A "surrendered wife" does not necessarily mean a "suppressed" wife. "Surrender" will defeat "suppression" because there is no suppression after surrender. The writer calls for total obedience to the views of husbands. This means that there is no suppression or pressure, but rather love, devotion and a desire to please the husband by saying, "Ok.", "Of course, my love!" and, "Sure, my darling!" The "surrendered wife" does not express her discontent, does not raise her voice in front of her husband, and does not remember the good old days of living with her parents. According to this new American concept, the surrendered wife is the one who does not call her husband to account when he returns home late, and does not ask him how much he spent, how much he saved, to whom he paid and why he spent so lavishly. She does not ask him why he went to his mother, what he gave to his brothers and sisters, why he spends so much on his family and so little on hers, and why he buys himself the most expensive clothes but fails to buy her an elegant ensemble.
In brief, she neither questions nor investigates him. She lets him do as he pleases. She would then reap the fruit of the policy of total freedom to men and total surrender by women. The author does not deny the surrendered wife the right to express her opinions to her husband. However, in this case, she must use the words, "I feel" and, "I feel the same way" instead of, "I believe" and, "In fact". The latter expressions are not just words but landmines that explode at the beginning of any discussion or dialogue between two parties who are in no need of more agitation. Using such words makes the husband feel that he is talking with a man, not a woman, and thus makes him mobilize all his internal forces and defense. By using these words, an unbalanced battle will begin, and will end in the tears of the wife and an apology of the husband, if he still has any sense of etiquette or romance, or in both of them leaving the house amidst the screams of the children.
This book has aroused quite a bit of controversy amid a liberated environment such as the American society, as various avenues of the media review and criticize it. The book is at the top of the list of the top ten bestselling books. There is a difference of opinion concerning it. Some have described it as a "practical and valuable" book. UCLA University, on the other hand, has labeled it as "destructive, backward and not protecting women." Laura Doyle is 33 years old and she was brought up in a house where her parents would beat each other. Both her parents, in the absence of the other, would tell her that marriage is an equivalent, equal institution. In other words, each one considered themselves as the head of the family. A house with two heads will, of course, be a failure. It seems that Laura was affected by the thoughts of her parents and, accordingly, destroyed her marriage with a man who is eleven years older than her. She used to call him to account, control his inner thoughts, inspect his emotions, and even check his yet-to-be-born fancies. Having destroyed her marriage, she sought the advice of some of her happy, sincere female friends. She found that they had totally surrendered and that none of them criticized, mocked or derided her husband. One of her friends even advised her to give her husband total freedom in the issue of money.
Based upon her several meetings with her friends, and building upon her experience in arguing with her husband, Laura formulated the concept of “The surrendered woman for a happy home”. Explaining this concept, Laura said, “My mission is to teach women the power of surrender! I am launching an international peace campaign inside homes where marital wars are inflaming.”
Laura advises women who consider themselves leaders in their offices, enterprises, companies or any job to totally forget that role. She advises them to remove the shoes of leadership once they enter their homes. The home is not a company, and it is not the place where spouses fight each other. She advises them not to belittle their husbands’ views and actions, and advises them to appreciate their husbands’ opinions, emotions and work as well as their small external wars with their work colleagues.
Practical Strategies to Establish Peace Inside the Homes of Warring Spouses
Laura defined some practical strategies to establish peace through surrender inside the homes of warring spouses:
1- Immediate apology for any small mistake that displeased the husband.
2- Expressing a desire to leave the place of argument, whether the home or the room.
3- Avoiding mutual escalation in terms of dissent.
4- Wives should occupy themselves with parallel interests instead of occupying themselves with their husbands, and with making them the center of their lives. This annoys their husbands and makes them think of fleeing from this suffocating predicament.
Naturally, the author was severely criticized, especially for her call to grant husbands freedom in dealing with the family finances, regardless of his right over her money. The wife's income may be more than the husband's, then how can the husband be granted the freesdom to spend both her money and his?