Magnifying the trivial problems of martial life wears it away and acts like a hammer that demolishes family life within seconds. Mrs. Jameelah Marzooq, a lecturer in instructive courses for brides, says,
Magnifying the trivial problems of matrimonial life and widening the range of problems between the spouses because of the slips of one or both of them enlarges the gap between them. Similarly, excessively blaming the other party for his/her minor slips and frequently speaking about faults in a critical way is a warning that problems between the spouses are going to be out of control. Of course, this may lead to many problems that may affect the martial life passively.
She calls for adopting flexibility in dealing with life’s affairs and avoiding the consequences of stubbornness, especially regarding the matters that are not on the list of priorities in marital life.
She adds,
Magnifying the minor problems of matrimonial life and paying excessive attention to them, usually leads to aggravating disputes between the spouses; rooting the disagreements between them. This also decreases the chances of attaining family stability and deprives the family from enjoying it. A wife who causes problems for no reason creates chances for deepening the spirit of disagreements within her matrimonial life and stirs up storms of disturbance as well as daily quarrels. This may weaken the communication within martial life and even destroy it completely. A husband who confides in his wife and then finds that she turns it into a host of problems, would inevitably avoid speaking to her or discussing anything with her in the future so as to avoid these kind of problems. Thus, the language of dialogue between the spouses diminishes and their bonds disintegrate.
The Way of Serving Chicken on a Plate
Jameelah Al-Marzooq related a story in this regard about a wife that left her husband’s house and stayed in her father’s house for more than two months following a disagreement over how she should serve chicken, saying,
The real examples that may be mentioned in this regard are like the case of a wife who prepared lunch during the second week of her marriage. She put the chicken on the plate of rice in a way that did not appeal to her husband who immediately started making problems, arousing disputes and disagreements over a trivial matter that is of no importance in the context of the martial life.
Toothpaste was About to Cause Divorce
She mentioned another story about toothpaste that was about to cause a divorce between the spouses, saying,
One day, a wife forgot to close the tube of toothpaste after using it, so it dried up by the next morning. This outraged her husband, who started attacking his wife with endless insults and criticism. Furthermore, he described her with the worst attributes and accused her of being careless, impolite, and ill-mannered. Another wife forgot to change the soap bar when it was almost finished, and her husband transformed this minor problem into a major one and heaped accusations and insults upon her.
Jameelah Al-Marzooq warned against exhausting ourselves psychologically and wearing ourselves out over trivial matters calling for disdaining such behavior and putting such problems aside. This is because the spouses are required to take care of and discuss matters that are related to the core of their matrimonial life. For example, they should discuss the life of their children and the way of securing the future of the family as well as the way of achieving the aspirations of the spouses in the best way.
Deliberation before issuing judgments or causing disputes over trivial things should be on top of the list of priorities of the spouses and they should take care of this important issue. Otherwise, this may lead to fights and disputes that could destroy the marital life.
Good Speech and Calm Dialogue are the Best Conditioner
Jameelah Al-Marzooq sees that good speech and calm dialogue are the best remedy for treating the problems before they get worse. Moreover, good speech is a successful solution for quenching the fire of anger before it turns into an outrageous volcano that may engulf the matrimonial life and make its skies clouded with continuous disagreements.
At the end of her speech, she reiterated her warnings against magnifying minor problems warning not to let them turn into bombs that kill compatibility between the spouses. She advised each husband and wife to try to pacify the other party when he or she gets angry or even leaving the partner until he/she calms down instead of meeting anger with anger.